


lover is a day

by honeypups



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Awkward Crush, Developing Relationship, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Honeypup, Hook-Up, JooHyuk, M/M, Pining, Smut, changki also have... a thing, consensual drunk sex, dominant minhyuk, established hyungwonho, hyunwoo is also sleeping with minhyuk, jooheon and hyunwoo are step-siblings, submissive Jooheon, this will possibly be part of a series so keep that in mind pls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 23:02:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14199564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeypups/pseuds/honeypups
Summary: Jooheon wasn’t really sure about how the whole ‘friend with benefits’ thing worked, but he was pretty sure falling in love the one your step-brother had a thing going on with probably meant he wasn’t doing it right, or that at least, he’d figured it out all wrong.(or, the one in which Hyunwoo and Minhyuk have a purely sexual relationship and somehow, Jooheon finds himself smitten and conflicted by the boy his stepbrother brings home so often.)





	lover is a day

**Author's Note:**

> let me quickly say: i'm a reader, not a writer so please don't be too harsh, i'm soft (i have had writers block for like four years - i'm basically retired??? then add the fact that i've never done a fic for a kpop fandom AND that i've never written any smut until now...) so anyways, keep that in mind - i really only wrote this because i was tired of joohyuk being NEGLECTED sigh. anyways a huge thank you to kalie, my beautiful beta, i wouldn't have been able to post this without you!! and with that...

The close bond that Jooheon and Hyunwoo shared as step siblings was something that people often marvelled at, admiration mixed with confusion adorning their features when he explained to people that they even shared an apartment together. They weren't teenagers anymore and they came from a wealthy background; Jooheon would often see the gears in peoples heads turning, wondering why were they still living together despite all that? The reason was simple: They wanted to. Granted, it was never intended to be a permanent thing, but for now, it didn't feel any different from living with a friend and so neither of them felt particularly rushed to change their current living arrangement and that was that.

Their parents got married when Jooheon was thirteen and Hyunwoo fifteen. It was at that weird age in which most children lumped alongside a stranger under the pretence that they were now officially siblings, would struggle to accept and understandably so; it was a strange thing to have thrown on your shoulders at that age. They, however, were different in that they’d bonded almost immediately. Jooheon was instantly taken by how focused and determined Hyunwoo was, the complete opposite of him, given that he liked doing everything at a leisurely pace. Hyunwoo seemed to find him adorable from the get go too, doting on him as if he were a baby and not a thirteen year old boy.

Ten years later and they were still thick as thieves; Jooheon still admired him and Hyunwoo’s doting saved Jooheon from having to slave away at his step-fathers company day in and day out. Granted, he was still expected to work there to some degree, but he was never going to have it as hard as Hyunwoo given that the business would be handed down to him. That didn’t mean that he didn’t experience guilt over the fact that he didn’t have to endure what Hyunwoo did. The elder was so lax with him; he didn’t scold him when he didn’t show up at the office for days and he understood that Jooheon’s priority was his music and supported that fully. Had Jooheon been in his position — his whole life set out for him before he was even born — he wasn’t sure he’d be as kind a person.

Honestly, they usually lived in harmony, but that didn’t stop vexation suffocating Jooheon when he’d received a phone call from Hyunwoo that evening whilst he was out with Changkyun.

“Hey, do you mind staying at Kyun’s again?” he asked, although it came out more like a statement. “Minhyuk is coming over.”

“So? I have to work on lyrics. I can’t just not come home, all my material is there,” he complained, irritated.

It wasn’t usually an issue, if Hyunwoo was having someone over or vice versa, they’d let each other know in advance so they could prepare but to have it sprung on him like this was fucking annoying. Not to mention, this mysterious Minhyuk person was coming over weekly and Jooheon was going to get back pain from crashing on Changkyun’s shitty sofa bed at this rate.

“I know, I’m sorry. It was last minute but if he’s over you won’t get lyrics written anyway,” Hyunwoo responded, his tone a mix of pleading and apologetic.

“Why wouldn’t I?” he asked, genuinely curious. “Be able to write lyrics, I mean."

“Jooheon,” he sighed, uncomfortable. There was a pregnant pause as he waited for the younger to figure out and say ‘never mind’ but sometimes, Jooheon was a little bit oblivious. “For one, last time I slept with someone when you were working at home you banged on the wall shouting about how you couldn’t focus which was embarrassing for everyone involved and that person wasn’t vocal at all… Minhyuk… can be… sometimes… a little bit.”

It made his body cringe all over, a shudder dancing down his spine as he tried to shake the image that had just been planted in his head back out. He now knew a grand total of four things about Minhyuk: his name, that he was tall and pretty (or so he’d guess, given that he was a model), that he was one year older than Jooheon and that he was…  _vocal_. The final piece of information was something he’d have preferred not knowing, but alas.

“Great. Thanks for the mental image, I hate it,” Jooheon mumbled down the receiver. “I’m coming home in the morning. I need to work so get all the sex out of your system tonight, alright? If I walk into the house  and you’re going at it then I’ll make sure that marriage arrangement you’ve been putting off is forced on you pronto so I can get my writing finished.”

“Deal,” he agreed, and Jooheon was suddenly convinced that Minhyuk must work magic in bed because he was sure Hyunwoo wouldn’t’ve exiled him out of their house otherwise. “Thanks, Jooheon.”

“See ya,” he said, hanging up and leaning back on the sofa he was situated on. “Well. I’ve been banished from my house. Is it cool if I crash here?”

“You would crash here even if I said it wasn’t,” Changkyun pointed out and he was absolutely correct. What’s a best friend if you can’t interrupt their daily living schedule when in need? “Have you been sexiled again? That’s like, the third time this month. Are they a thing now or what? Hyunwoo’s thrown you out more recently than he has the entire time you two have been living together.”

“They’re not a thing. They’ve been friends for some time, apparently. I’ve never met him, but… It’s a no strings attached arrangement or something. Hyunwoo doesn’t do relationships since he’ll have to marry someone picked out for him eventually, says it would be cruel on both parts to develop feelings and then for it to have to end.”

“Understandable,” Changkyun shrugged indifferently. “I have to study, so don’t pester me.”

“I’ll be good mister science nerd,” Jooheon fluttered his lashes, feigning innocence. “You wont even know I’m here.”

—

Jooheon’s feet dragged heavily along the gravel beneath them, vision still blurry as the morning wind nipped at his skin, attacking it mercilessly until it surpassed the point of painful and reached the point of complete numbness. Perhaps it was because he wasn’t what one would class as an early bird, but honestly, it was far too early for any human being to be roaming the street; he felt like a zombie, back stiff, mind blank, fatigue still lingering over him and hunger beginning to settle in his stomach. Needless to say, he wasn’t mentally prepared for human interaction when he sauntered back into his apartment.

Evidently, luck wasn’t on his side because as he was making himself a bowl of cereal, a stranger emerged from Hyunwoo’s bedroom and trudged into the kitchen, startling him enough that he emitted a sound akin to a shout and a yelp. Jooheon couldn’t handle people spawning out of thin air when he was fully alert, never mind when he was still in a half-daze, burdened with exhaustion. The lack of awareness only made the heart palpations he was experiencing ten times worse.

“Oh, uh…” the mysterious male stuttered, obviously as startled by Jooheon as Jooheon was him, although, it might’ve been that sound he let out that was the source of his shock opposed to his presence itself. “Hey. I’m Minhyuk.”

He sounded and looked confused and Jooheon honestly felt a little bit bad for him. It wasn’t the most pleasant thing, introducing yourself to the roommate of your hookup.

“Jooheon,” he said, giving him a tired, yet dimple filled smile in an attempt to make him feel less shaken up by the whole thing. “Nice to meet you.”

“Oh! Hyunwoo’s stepbrother, right?” he exclaimed, the pieces suddenly connecting in his mind. “Sorry, I’m still not awake, I’m not usually that slow. Promise.”

Jooheon let out a chortle, thankful that he hadn’t found himself in this situation with some awkward, shady looking character; he hated having to make small talk with people that couldn’t, well… _talk_. It didn’t seem like that would be an issue here. 

“I’ll take your word for it,” Jooheon acknowledged, lodging the spoon heaped with the cereal he’d poured into his mouth. “Is Hyunwoo still asleep?” 

“That he is,” Minhyuk confirmed, perching himself on the stool next to Jooheon. “I can’t lie in bed unless I’m asleep or doing something, I’m kind of restless by nature. Is me being here making you uncomfortable? If you want me to go just tell me. I don’t want to intrude on you or anything.” 

“No, it’s fine. Just make yourself at home,” Jooheon shrugged, not particularly bothered what he decided to do. As long as he didn’t have to hear them having sex, he was good. “You can leave if you get horny. I’m too tired to hear you going at it at this time of day. That’s the only rule.”

Minhyuk erupted into a fit of giggles at that, the sound loud and genuine and it made Jooheon smile too for some reason. “You’re prohibiting my morning sex? How will I survive… so callous. And here I was thinking that you were sweet, given that you’re called Joo- _Honey_  and all.”

Jooheon smirked as he shoved another spoonful of food into his mouth, taking note that the smiley angel in front of him was, in fact, a sarcastic little shit. “Isn’t throwing me out of my house weekly enough? You should be sated if the ache in my back is anything to go by.

“Forgive me?” Minhyuk pouted, leaning his elbows against the marble countertop, smouldering gaze fixed pointedly on Jooheon’s eyes. “I’ll make sure we’re both extra quiet from now on so you can stay at home, if you forgive me?”

“Oh?” Jooheon raised a brow, playful and interested. The less he had to be on that fucking sofa bed the better for him and his slowly deteriorating spine. He felt like he and Minhyuk would get along well… probably. “I guess then I could maybe let it go. Oh, and also, no sex in shared spaces because if I walk in on that I’ll have life long trauma.”

“Boring,” Minhyuk rolled his eyes, giving him a playful smirk. “No loud sex, no morning sex, no sex anywhere other Hyunwoo’s bed. How vanilla can you get?”

“Shut up, me not wanting to hear or see my stepbrother sleeping with someone has nothing to do with my bedroom escapes, thank you very much,” Jooheon corrected him matter-of-factly.

“Good to know,” Minhyuk hummed in acknowledgement, watching Jooheon stuff his face with the cereal that he was eating exceptionally slow which said a lot, given he was a slow eater at the best of times. “Are you blushing? Cute.”

“Be quiet,” Jooheon slouched over, trying to hide himself.

Minhyuk smiled at him softly, almost looking fond. “Hey, can I borrow some coffee? And food. I’m starved.”

“Borrow it? Do you intend on replacing it or something?” Jooheon laughed at his word choice, imagining the dark-haired model returning to replace a single bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee. “You don’t need to ask. We’re not that stingy, you know.”

Minhyuk shrugged, hopping off of the stool and raking through the cupboards in search of whatever it was he was looking for. Jooheon only noticed the fact that was only wearing an oversized hoodie and… well, he hoped boxers when he stood up, showing off his lean, bare legs.

He hadn’t really been observing his state before, but now he was. He had a hickey located on the left of his clavicle which was exposed due to the size of the hoodie he was in. He also had one situated on his inner thigh that Jooheon tried hard not to look at because… well, that’d be fucking creepy to start with. His hair was dark but noticeably dishevelled in an evident post-sex state. It wasn’t hard to see why he modelled when you looked at his features and his stature. 

He was definitely attractive, that much was a given.

When he turned back around, he had two bowls and two mugs and he placed them down on the countertop, scurrying around grabbing milk and cereal and turning on the coffee machine.

"Two cups and bowls?" Jooheon questioned.

"Sure, I'm using your kitchen and have you met Hyunwoo? He’ll need food too. If I'm making myself cereal, the least I can do is feed the person I'm pinching it from, right?" he explained, not bothering to look at Jooheon and he continued on with what he was doing. 

“Huh. That’s thoughtful. My hookups fuck and chuck, usually,” Jooheon pouted.

“Poor baby,” Minhyuk cooed teasingly. “You need to find better people to sleep with, honeybee. The least they can do is grab you a coffee.”

“Honeybee?” Jooheon quirked a brow. Were they already at that stage in their relationship? Huh. “Honestly. One time, someone fucked me and then took the money from my wallet after. I’ve never felt so cheated in all my life.”

Minhyuk burst into laughter, finding the whole thing amusing enough that tears pooled in the corner of his eyes. "Did that really happen?"

“For real,” Jooheon nodded, it had given him genuine trauma and he hadn't hooked up with anyone since. He might as well declare himself a born-again virgin, given that he hadn't had that many sexual encounters prior to it, either. “I haven't recovered from it. They took my body and then ran off with my money? What kind of reverse prostitution business did they think I was a part of?”

"That... if I ever write a book, that's going in it," Minhyuk giggled again. “Maybe I’m doing this wrong? I should be taking Hyunwoo’s money and running, not making him fucking cereal.” 

Jooheon rolled his eyes playfully, unfazed. To be honest, even to him, it was comical. When it happened? Not so much, but it more or less summed up the luck he had when it came to relationships and, well, life in general.

Minhyuk held up a sign that signalled he’d be back as he propped the end of the spoon between his lips, balancing a bowl in one had and gripping the two coffee filled cups in the other, skipping d into Hyunwoo’s room looking as at home as Jooheon did, except Jooheon lived here and Minhyuk didn’t. It made him curious about the current predicament, was Minhyuk that easygoing by nature or was whatever he and Hyunwoo had going on more than casual sex between friends? He could ask, he supposed, but what difference would it make regardless? It was none of his business. 

The room somehow felt desolate without the vibrancy of the other scuttling around and conversing with him, the only sound now being Jooheon’s fingers dancing against the marble worktop and the noise of his own chewing in his ears as he polished off what was remaining of the now overly soggy cereal. Eating at the pace of a snail occasionally had its downfalls. 

True to his word, ten minutes passed and the model was back, still lacking sufficient clothing and looking too alert and ethereal for his own good. Jooheon found it annoying how some people could roll out of bed looking like personified art while others looked like swollen chipmunks that had been hit by a truck. Repeatedly.

“Is he awake?” Jooheon asked when he sat back down beside him, feeling a little bad that Minhyuk was having to spend time with him — a stranger — opposed to the person he’d actually came here for. 

“He is, um, eating with his eyes still semi-glued together, but sure, I guess that classifies as being awake, right?” Minhyuk gave another smile. If Jooheon hadn’t already learnt his name, he’d have just called him ‘smiley’ since he hadn’t once yet looked anything other than bubbly and content. 

“Sure. That sounds about right. Sorry about him, he should be spending time with you but instead, you’re out here with me.” 

Minhyuk cocked his head to the side, perplexed. “He’s not really obligated to spend time with me? We’re not together, and while we’re friends, we’re not the closest, so… and I don’t mind, to be honest. You’re good company.”

“Do you want to be?” he blurted out without even thinking and for what reason, he didn’t even know but Minhyuk had heard so he hadn’t any choice but to elaborate. “Together with Hyunwoo, I mean.”

“You mean do I want to date him?” he asked and Jooheon nodded. “No. It’s nothing like that between us. We both know where we stand with each other,” Minhyuk protested, adamant and certain. Jooheon believed it when it came from his own mouth like that, but Hoseok had also told him that if you have a friend with said benefits, someone will almost always fall in love. Was that true? He wasn’t sure. “It’s… I have a high sex drive, to be honest and Hyunwoo has been stressed about work stuff and his impending engagement shit so we decided that it was a good way for him to relieve his stress. He’s kinda stand-offish, but we all need someone sometimes, right? And sometimes it’s better if that person is close, but not too close, which works well since that’s kinda our dynamic anyway. It’s all easy-osey; Hyunwoo is on the same page, he’s even more-or-less said that while he sleeps with me, dating someone of the same sex isn’t really a viable option in his mind, so.”

Jooheon nodded. Truthfully, that had been his assumption from the get go. The idea of them being anything more wouldn’t have even crossed his mind had he not have observed how comfortable Minhyuk was here.

“You rap right? Hyunwoo talks about you a lot. He really dotes on you a lot, doesn’t he? He said even though you have to compose both for yourself and other people, you still take time to do work at the company when you can,” Minhyuk rambled, genuine curiosity glinting in his eyes as he awaited a response. 

“Ah. He mentioned that, huh?” Jooheon mumbled, somewhat bashful. “It’s nothing, really. He works a billion times harder than I do. What about you? He told me you’re a model.”

“Nothing? Not everyone can write and compose music, Jooheonie. Don’t dismiss your own talent,” Minhyuk reprimanded him, like a parent softly but firmly encouraging their child. “Right now I’m working two jobs. It was three, but I dropped one last month. I still model, though. That’s my main source of income. I also work in a nursery between two and four days a week, depending on how much or how little work there is in the modelling department at any given time. It’s inconsistent.” 

He didn't know Minhyuk well enough to have a clear judge or character — in fact, they still hardly knew one another at all — but he could see that. He had a comforting yet mischievous air to him, something Jooheon imaged kids would adore and he definitely wouldn't scare them away with his appearance either, given that he looked like... well, that.

"You seem like you'd be good with kids," Jooheon voiced his thoughts aloud, giving the model a dimple filled smile.

He smiled in return, a silent form of ‘thank you’, Jooheon assumed. It was quiet, Minhyuk leaning against the worktop and sipping coffee from a mug — Jooheon’s mug, not that he minded — but it was a warm silence. It wasn’t the kind that made you cringe and want to flee, and when it came to people you’d known for less than an hour, that would usually be the case, but instead, it was like an embrace. There wasn’t anything unsettling about it. 

Granted, it didn’t last long before Minhyuk was asking Jooheon more questions about himself, his life and so on, but he was okay with that, too.

—

Time slipped past like the hand on the clock was ticking twice as fast as it should, conversation after conversation flowing like a river, consistent and fast. They’d talked for sometime after Minhyuk finished his coffee, somehow learning more about one another in an hour than Jooheon learned about most people in a week. He cursed the fact that he’d returned home to work and that he couldn’t sit and chat for longer, but he’d lost out on enough writing time thanks to the other’s intrusion, if he was any later he was sure Changkyun would quite literally chop his balls off.

There’d been a twinge of guilt when he had to abandon the other for his priorities (or, at least what should’ve been his priority given that it was his job) but Minhyuk had reassured him that it was fine, reminding him that he’d spent numerous mornings here without Jooheon before, telling him that he couldn’t stay much longer anyway but until he had to head off, he’d likely just go and chill with Hyunwoo for a while.

How much time had passed since then, he wasn’t sure. It hadn’t felt like long, but the minutes and hours blurred together when he was locked in the studio and he never failed to come out a little disoriented about who he was and what he was doing.

Hyunwoo was slumped on the sofa — alone — when he entered the living room, papers scattered on the table in front of him as his fingers clacked against the keyboard of his laptop. Jooheon sat down on the leather chair, suddenly stricken with yet more exhaustion and hunger. 

“So, Minhyuk?” he asked, wanting Hyunwoo to give something, anything. “He seems nice.”

“Mhm. You met him this morning, right?” he replied, not bothering to look up from his work, voice nonchalant. He was missing a t-shirt which wasn’t usual, but his skin was littered with purple splotches, running from his neck to his torso. Well then. “I felt like you two would get along well once you met.” 

He thought they would, too. There wasn’t even an ounce of awkwardness between them this morning despite it being their first ever encounter and Jooheon didn’t feel at all uncomfortable around the other. They could become friends. Definitely. 

“Probably,” he agreed, noncommittal. He was more interested in finding out his stepbrother's stance on their relationship. “Are you two honestly just hooking up, though? I mean, I’m not doubting you but he seemed so… comfortable here. Plus, it’s not like you to have anyone over that much. Even Changkyun was perplexed by the whole thing.” 

Hyunwoo raised a brow at him, obviously taken aback by Jooheon’s flurry of questions and accusations, but he’d gotten Minhyuk’s input so now he wanted his brothers, that was all.

“He’s allowed to feel comfortable, he’s a friend before anything else,” Hyunwoo pointed out, eyes relocated back to the sheets in front of him. “I’m not in love with Minhyuk if that’s what you’re trying to ask me.”

“You get me. Thanks for answering the real question,” Jooheon said, confirming that that was in fact what he was asking. It might’ve not seemed like more than words coming from anybody else, but he didn’t need anymore proof or evidence than that when it came to Hyunwoo, he trusted him entirely. That and for one, he’d seen him in love before and he didn’t act like he was in love; neither him nor Minhyuk did. “So, he’s just like that with everyone, then? Laid back… friendly?”

Hyunwoo nodded, shooting Jooheon a strained kind of smile, like he was sorry that he was bombarded with that sort of behaviour first thing in the morning, unknowing that Jooheon actually enjoyed it more than he’d dare admit. “He’s quite full on if he is in any way interested in someone. It’s his nature, he’s like an spaniel puppy that hasn’t been walking in a week,” Hyunwoo explained, still detached from the conversation. He was a private person, he didn’t like disclosing things like this and Jooheon understood that this probably wasn’t Hyunwoo’s ideal conversation topic, but that’s what happens when you throw someone out of their own home for sex. “Once you’re fed up interrogating me, there’s food in the microwave. You just need to heat it.”

That was a very Hyunwoo way of asking to leave him alone and thankfully, Jooheon knew how to take a hint.

“Alright, alright,” he resigned, raising his hands in surrender. “I got it. Thanks for not leaving me to starve. Good luck with your work.”

—

The next time Jooheon encountered Minhyuk was unexpected; he hadn’t even been aware that the model was there. He must’ve arrived when Jooheon was sleeping because he hadn’t been here when he’d gone to bed the evening prior so unless Hyunwoo had smuggled him in his room the entire day, that had to have been the case. It made him question what position he’d be in if someone burgled them though — not only did he get scared by everything, he could apparently sleep through everything, too.

Well, death it is then.

“Oh, Jooheonie. You’re awake?” Minhyuk’s voice, distinctly recognisable to his ears, came from behind the sofa he was perched upon. He was good at startling him, they’d met twice and each time, he’d jumped out of his skin. “I was about to shower.” 

The tone Minhyuk used with him held something inviting in it, soft and warm. When he addressed him, he made it sound like they’d know one another for years; any random outsider would’ve thought they were childhood friends and not two men that, until now, had only had one previous encounter. Some people might’ve found it rude or irritating, but truthfully, Jooheon appreciated it. It made him feel immediately less awkward. 

“Oh? I didn’t know you were over,” Jooheon replied, turning to look at him and then slightly wishing he didn’t.

He’d forgotten that he was sat in nothing but his boxers and seeing that Minhyuk was in the same attire, he couldn’t help but feel a bit insecure. He was taught and defined with longs limbs and a slim stature while Jooheon… well, he didn’t lack confidence when it came to his body, but like his cheeks, his tummy was soft and his thighs full. 

“Mm. I didn’t come over ’til late. You must’ve been sleeping so Hyunwoo probably opted against bothering you at that time,” Minhyuk informed him, perching himself on the back of the couch and proceeding to swing his legs around before slinking into the seat next to Jooheon. “Honeybee, I have regrets. I’m exhausted.” 

“Why honeybee?” Jooheon asked, curious.

“It suits you and it branches off from your own name,” he stated. For some reason, Minhyuk had snuggled into Jooheon’s side, resting his head on his shoulder, knees curled up onto the sofa and usually, it’d have creeped him out since they weren’t long acquainted with each other, but surprisingly, Jooheon didn’t feel uncomfortable with it. “Cute boys deserve cute nicknames.” 

“Well… anyway,” Jooheon could feel himself redden and he wished he didn’t blush as easily as he did, but he was thankful that Minhyuk wasn’t able to see his face at least. “How come you’re exhausted?” 

“A combination of things, some you don’t need to know, others, like your brother being a blanket thief, contributed however.”

“You can sleep in my bed if you want,” Jooheon offered, not wanting the other to suffer from sleep deprivation. “I don’t mind.”

“I can’t. I can’t sleep on my own when I’m in someone else’s house. It’s weird, but I just can’t settle,” Minhyuk explained, still cuddled into him. “Thanks though.”

“I’ll sleep with you?” Jooheon volunteered, before quickly realising his blunder. “I mean, I’ll sleep… not with you, but like… I’ll rest with you… if that’ll help…”

Minhyuk let out a little giggle, hooking his arm into Jooheon’s own. He wondered what Changkyun — or anyone, for that matter — would think if they saw them right now. No doubt they’d jump to some conclusions; he would if the shoe were on the other foot.

“Really? We’re not… really close yet though. We barely know each other,” he said, unsure. Hesitating, he added, “wouldn’t it be uncomfortable for you?”

“We’re half naked and you’re wrapped around me like a koala. I don’t see how napping together is any weirder than this,” Jooheon laughed in response. With most people, it’d be grossly unsettling and strange, but with Minhyuk… it just _wasn’t_. Everything felt so natural. “I’m okay with it if you are.”

“Alright… but if you change your mind, let me know and I’ll evacuate, okay?” he bargained, separating from the younger’s side to stand, genuinely excited about the prospect of getting some rest.

“Okay,” Jooheon nodded, standing alongside him and leading him to his room.

They settled underneath the covers together, only a vague hint of awkwardness settling over Jooheon, but not enough that he’d change the current arrangement. Minhyuk tugged Jooheon’s arm over him, signalling that he needed some sort of contact to which Jooheon obliged willingly; it reminded him of how he’d act when he was nervous or scared, so it didn’t phase him. 

Jooheon began drawing delicate pattens on Minhyuk’s skin with his fingertips — a mindless habit he’d picked up from napping with Changkyun — watching as the dark-haired boy’s eyes fluttered shut, the rising and falling of his chest beginning to deepen. He studied him, his features, drinking in the sight for a minute and Jooheon thinks he might be the most beautiful human being he has ever seen, or at least that he’s seen in the flesh. His hair is a disheveled mess, flopping in every which direction and his skin is littered in both faded and fresh love-bites, something that might seem off putting to some people, but to Jooheon he still looked like art. A strange, heavy wave washed over him, something akin to affection but not quite.

He, while ethereal and breathtaking enough to leave Jooheon feeling awestruck, looked depleted of energy, exhaustion evident even with his lashes hiding his eyes. It was something that could be sensed and it piqued Jooheon’s curiosity. He wondered, what was Minhyuk’s life like? The energy he felt was more than general sleepiness and it somehow felt like he was tired, both physically and mentally.

Outside of these four walls, was he a completely different Minhyuk from this, someone he wouldn’t even associate with? Maybe. It was plausible, wasn’t it? But he didn’t need to think about it. Not right now; he’s Hyunwoo’s sex buddy for fuck sake. He doesn’t need to think about anything to do with this.

“It’s hard to sleep when you stare, Jooheonie,” Minhyuk smiled, opening his bleary eyes to look at him. “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing important,” Jooheon dismissed, peeling his gaze away from Minhyuk, trying to disguise the embarrassment that hit him. And then, like and idiot, he blurted out something ridiculous, purely because he felt like he needed to fill the lull between them. “I guess Hyunwoo bites a lot, huh.” 

Luckily, Minhyuk just laughed, obviously unfazed by it much to Jooheon’s relief. “I guess so. I think… he’s probably in a worse state than me though, so I can’t complain.”

“Ah…” Jooheon mumbled. He didn’t want details. He really didn’t. “I see.” 

“Don’t act so timid. You told me you weren’t vanilla last time, right?” Minhyuk teased him. Jooheon wondered how tortured he’d be if he met Minhyuk on a day when he wasn’t half asleep. “Getting embarrassed over hickeys seems vanilla to me, honeybee.” 

“It’s not that… it’s because it’s Hyunwoo we’re talking about. I live with him, he’s my step-sibling. I can’t…” he trailed off, pouting. “If it was details about your sex life, not involving Hyunwoo, it’d be fine, but… no.” 

“Oh?” Minhyuk responded, intrigued. “And here I was going to ask if you think Hyunwoo would let me fuck him again since we’ve only done it once when we were drunk. I like versatility — see, that’s a detail about me and not Hyunwoo and you’re still cringing!” 

“Okay, please stop,” Jooheon protested, rolling away from Minhyuk slightly. “Fuck it, I’m vanilla. If confessing to that means I don’t have to hear about the kind of sex you and him have, I’m the _most_ vanilla.” 

Minhyuk erupted into laughter, burying his face amidst the covers as he tried to compose himself. “You’re the cutest, Jooheonie.” 

Jooheon rolled his eyes, scoffing. He didn’t mind being called cute, he had to get used to it being born with chubby cheeks and dimples so deep you could build a home in them, but even so, it wasn’t how he wanted people’s first impression of him to be, but somehow, it always was: he was either adorable or intimidating, there was no in between. 

“Hey, Jooheon. Pet my hair?” Minhyuk pleaded, nudging his hand like a kitten begging for attention from its owner. And he had the audacity to call _him_ cute? “It’ll help me sleep. Please?”

Jooheon knit his brow together, concluding that Minhyuk was in fact a weirdo. Who the fuck asks someone to pet them on their second meeting? Bizarre.

Even weirder was the fact he didn’t even think twice about it, finding his fingers tentatively combing through the dark locks, gently tugging at the strands, thumb softly brushing his forehead as the elder nuzzled his head into the movement, eyes fluttering closed within seconds, the sensation evidently being the relaxant he needed after all.

It wasn’t long after that when he dozed, breathing heavy and body limp, sleep washing over him faster that Jooheon had anticipated given that he seemed to be a permanent ball of energy, even when he was tired. It proved that he really must’ve been shattered.

He wasn’t tired when he’d offered to sleep with Minhyuk, but somehow being next to him and listening to the sound of his breathing pulled him back into a slumber, too.

  


   


   


They woke up an unknown number of hours later — Jooheon could only assume that it had hit afternoon, the room receded back into a darker tone, the morning sunlight dimmed, but not enough so that it can be anywhere even close to evening. 

Somehow, they’d wound up with limbs tangled together, their bodies melting into one silhouette rather than two, legs locked and arms draped over one another. It had been enough to make him jolt awake, his mind telling him that this was too intimate for someone he’d met only once before settling and realising that this was Minhyuk, a guy who was touchy by nature and that in the grand scheme of things, a little skinship was really no big deal. 

“Minhyuk,” he whispered, scared that he’d waken him if he happened to still be sleeping. “Are you awake?” 

“Mm,” he mumbled groggily, hand moving to rub at his eyes, legs untangling as he roused. “What time is it?” 

Jooheon stretched over to his bedside table, raising his iPhone to check the time, shocked at the digits that it showed him. “It’s 2:30pm.” 

“Shit,” Minhyuk sat up, still barely able to open his eyes, stretching his arms up into the air. “I need to sort my life out, seriously. What am I, a teenager? And I’m also in desperate need of a shower… Jesus,” he sighed, exasperated with himself, before bringing back his signature cocky smirk. “Wanna shower with me to save the time we lost sleeping?”

Jooheon was thankful he hadn’t been drinking water or the result would’ve been the liquid spraying from his mouth via a mix of disbelief and shock. He wasn’t, so that didn’t happen but nonetheless, he faltered long enough for Minhyuk to retract his statement. 

“I’m kidding, Jooheon. Also, your house has two showers; don’t look so petrified,” he smiled — gentler this time, like he was talking to a child — and fluffed his hair. God, he must’ve thought Jooheon with the epitome of innocence. “I should move, though. I’m supposed to go out with a friend tonight.” 

“Sure,” Jooheon nodded. He could’ve spend longer lounging with him and mildly regretted that they’d spent so much time sleeping and so little time talking. “You do what you need to do. I’ll be here next time you need a friend post-hookup, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” he responded, giving Jooheon another sunshine smile, sincere and warm. “Here, give me your phone.” 

“Oh? Uh. Yeah, sure,” Jooheon handed the device over mindlessly, not even questioning it. 

“It’d help if you unlocked it first, honeybee,” he laughed, turning the screen towards him, silently commanding him to do so — and of course, Jooheon did. He cocked his head, watching the elders fingers glide across the screen and then in what seemed like the blink of an eye, the iPhone was thrown back into his lap. “Text me sometime, okay?” the model said, voice upbeat. Jooheon nodded again, and Minhyuk stretched out his limbs as he stood. “Ah this house is like Heaven. Good sex, good cuddles, good people. Magic.” 

And Jooheon wondered if it was the house that was Heaven, or if it was Minhyuk himself.

—

Time travels as it does, moments blurring, days turning into weeks. Jooheon had began seeing more and more of his stepbrother's comrade around the house, the visits going from biweekly to every other day. It had gotten to the stage that he now saw Minhyuk more frequently than he did Hyunwoo, but he couldn't complain, not when there was nothing to complain about. 

Minhyuk had a tendency to fall asleep long after Jooheon and rise long before him; Jooheon questioned how he had the energy, given that there were days he'd commute to work from here now, but he supposed that was just how Minhyuk was, boundless energy and infinite smiles. Oftentimes, he'd walk into the living room only to be met with the model lounging in his pants, watching their TV and eating their food. No doubt that from an outside perspective, it'd look absurd, someone classed as a hookup being here so regularly but he'd grown accustomed to his presence around the house, so much so that now the days Minhyuk wasn't here felt a little less normal than those in which he was. 

"Are you moving in?" Jooheon asked one morning, throwing himself down on the sofa next to Minhyuk — who, by the way, happened to be munching on the desert he’d been saving for later — and flinging his legs across his lap, back leaning into the armrest. At least they were comfortable with one another now, that much was definitive. “You’re here all the time these days. I see you more than I do Hyunwoo, I swear.”

“Mm. Mutual troubled lives leads to an excess amount of sex, I guess?” Minhyuk shrugged, dismissive, too busy focused on eating the food that wasn’t even his in the first place. Jooheon made a mental note that Minhyuk had scoffed that, otherwise he’d look for it later only to wind up pissy when he realised it was for him to move forward with getting engaged to one of the candidates he’s picked out. It must suck.”

Jooheon agreed wholeheartedly, that pang of guilt he got when thinking about how different his situation was from Hyunwoo’s settling in his chest.

But, in simple terms, the model was here more frequently to help Hyunwoo (and himself, apparently) relieve pent-up stress in the way that Minhyuk knew how.

“You relieve his stress and give me stress by eating all my food,” Jooheon pouted, his tone light and playful.

“It’s fine though, since you love me,” Minhyuk dismissed, earning a scoff from the younger of the two. He loved food more, or at least he tried to convince himself that he did. “Besides, I need it. I mean, given that you’re pure and innocent, I’m sure you won't know this, but sex works up an appetite. Do you want me to starve to death?”

“You’re really going to sit there and disrespect me like this in my own home as you eat my food, huh?” Jooheon retorted, sticking out his lower lip.

Minhyuk leaned over, popping the last bite of the food into Jooheon’s mouth and proceeded to pet his hair like he was a puppy that had just earned a treat.

“You fed me with my own food that was stolen but sure, knock yourself out,” Jooheon laughed, not giving the other the praise he’d expected. He wanted Jooheon to coo over him, obviously, but that wasn’t happening. 

Jooheon was taken aback when Hyunwoo sauntered into the room, dressed for work; he’d guessed he’d have been long gone by now — he is most mornings. “You’re still here?”

“Yeah. I didn’t need to be in until my meeting. You’re not coming in today?” Hyunwoo asked, not even taking a second glance at the closeness of himself and his sex buddy.

“Nah, I was in yesterday and I didn’t have much to do,” Jooheon said. He wished there was more he could do to help Hyunwoo, but when it came to the company, they were in a completely different calibre from one another. “I’m going out with Kyun later, by the way. Just so you know if I’m not home, can’t have you sitting here worrying about me all night.” 

“Ha. Funny,” Hyunwoo dismissed him, a small smile tugging on his lips. “Look at you two. If I didn’t know any better I’d have thought Min was here for you, Jooheon.”

“Shut up,” Jooheon rolled his eyes. “He’s definitely here for you. Right, Minhyuk?”

“Who knows,” Minhyuk shrugged, coy. “Why not both?”

“Touché,” Hyunwoo agreed, pulling his coat on and readying to leave. “Text me if you’re not going to be back, Jooheon.”

“I will!” he called after him, smiling at how the other acted almost like a parent to him.

“You’re the epitome of baby boy culture, aren’t you?” Minhyuk nudged him once Hyunwoo left, teasing him as per usual. “Even your brother coddles you. How adorable,” he continued, lilt playful. Jooheon could be sigh in resignation in response. “Speaking of texting, where’s mine?” Minhyuk huffed, feigning annoyance. “I didn’t put my number in there to boost your contact list you know.” 

“Must’ve slipped my mind,” Jooheon lied. Truth be told, he’d wanted to text him but he didn’t know what to say because he didn’t know that Minhyuk, the Minhyuk that existed outside of this apartment and perhaps, getting to know him scared him a little. They’d grown close within these walls, what if outside of them, everything was different? “I’ll text you later, promise. I need to go and get ready now though. Said I’d meet up with Changkyun and Hoseok, so I’ll have to leave your thieving ass all alone. Steal Hyunwoo’s food next time, not mine! I’m not the one working up your appetite.” 

They were both laughing — genuine laughter — but that was how it was. When they were together, it was simple and comfortable, almost like two childhood friends bonding. It was enough to make Jooheon forget that he didn’t really know the other sometimes. That he wouldn’t be able to rhyme off where Minhyuk was during the day like he could with Changkyun and that he could list all his favourite things like he could with Hyungwon. But, that was okay too, he figured. That was just how they were after all, it was just how they’d always been.

—

“Why are your dimples on show?” Changkyun asked, peeping over his shoulder. “Who are you texting?” 

He’d surprised himself and actually worked up the courage to text the model despite his bubbling anxiety and as it turned out, he was as talkative over text as he was in person.

“Minhyuk,” he replied, voice monotone.

“Hyunwoo’s bit on the side?” Changkyun asked, evidently taken aback. “The one your brother is fucking.  _That_  Minhyuk?”

He nodded in response. It wasn't that serious, honestly. 

“They’re still sleeping together? I didn’t think Minhyuk was the type to sleep with one person so consistently,” Kihyun interjected, a little surprised at the revelation. Jooheon isn’t even sure how people know who he’s talking about when he brings up the name, but somehow, the majority of his group seem to know, save for him and Hoseok, that is. He also isn’t sure how all of them wound up meeting, but he doesn’t even question it. “Is it awkward for you? I mean the thought of someone I don’t know that well being in my apartment every other day… it’d drive me insane.”

“It’s not awkward, unless I hear them fucking. Minhyuk’s nice, he’s easy to get along with,” unfortunately, he’d been there so often now he had experienced the former part of that statement once or twice and all he could say was thank god for noise cancelling headphones.

“Hm. I thought Hyunwoo usually went for people that posses the opposite genitalia from him, though? Also he’s so serious about everything so I didn’t really imagine him going for Minhyuk giving that he’s slept with ninety percent of the country, which is fine, but I just didn’t think it was what he’d go for,” Kihyun shrugged, nonchalant but direct.

“First of all, opposite genitalia? The same could be said for you, but let’s not get into that. Secondly, who even cares how many or how little people he — or anybody — has slept with?” Changkyun chided him, irritated. To be honest, the remark had gone over Jooheon’s head, but Changkyun was passionate about such things so when he pointed it out he could understand where his vexation came from. “Minhyuk likes sex, so what? That doesn’t make him any less of a person than people that don’t like sex.”

“Changkyun, I’m not attacking him or you,” Kihyun replied, calm and composed. “I was pointing out that I didn’t think he was Hyunwoo’s type for multiple reasons. I didn’t mean it in a negative way.”

“Right. I know you didn’t, but pot kettle black? Make sure you watch how you word things and remember that people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Let’s not be the type of people that judge people for their sexual preferences. If they’re happy then who even cares?” Changkyun ranted, pouting; he was passionate about this topic. Kihyun wasn’t judgemental about things like that at all, he was slightly more conservative than the younger, was all. Slightly being the operative word; he wasn’t the Virgin fucking Mary, he’d slept with Changkyun on numerous occasions after all, hence the younger’s irritation and oversensitivity.

“Touché,” Hyungwon agreed, Hoseok’s arms wrapped around his waist. They really were that couple. “Minhyuk has enough people talking about him behind his back without us having any input. Plus, can any of us talk about anyone’s sex lives? Jooheon and Ki are the only two out of us all that have sex lives that are lacking and even then, debatable, so,” Hyungwon dismissed, ending that conversation right there. 

Hyungwon knew Minhyuk from previous modelling escapades apparently. He said they were more like acquaintances than friends, but nonetheless.

“On _another_ note, Hyungwon said Minhyuk’s cute — he also said he doesn’t seem close to anyone but that’s unconfirmed — the question here is, is he cute, Jooheonie? I need answers,” Hoseok chimed in, suddenly interested.

“Why does that even matter to you? You have a boyfriend sat on your lap as we speak. Take his word for it,” Jooheon responded, rolling his eyes for dramatic effect.

“Irrelevant,” he dismissed, adamant that the question needed to be answered. “I want to hear your opinion! Is he or is he not cute? Confirm or deny the rumours, Lee Jooheon.”

Jooheon shook his head in exasperation; sometimes Hoseok made it seem like he was the youngest in their clique, somehow.

“He is the most attractive person I’ve seen in my entire life,” he sighed, a little too fondly even by his own standards. “I mean…. well not… no, actually he is. I meant what I said.”

“Oh?” Hoseok replied, intrigued. “Do you like him?”

“We’re friends. I wouldn’t be friends with someone I didn’t like,” he stated, plain and simple.

“I think he meant,” Hyungwon began, his fingers playing with Hoseok’s own as he leaned forward ever so slightly to continue speaking. “Do you want him in  _your_  bed instead of Hyunwoo’s?”

“ _What?_ No,” Jooheon choked out, incredulously. 

He hadn’t ever thought about it, the notion hadn’t even so much as stepped foot in the pathway that was his mind. However, now he was thinking about it… No, he couldn’t let himself go there. Nope, not a chance, so he quickly replaced the thought with something trivial; food, work, music, anything that would get that out of his head. 

“Thank _god_ ,” Kihyun breathed out a sigh of relief, looking relaxed suddenly despite Jooheon not knowing he was tensed up at all before. “I was worried you were going to say yes there for a second. That… would be messy. Not because of Minhyuk’s relationship habits since we’ve cleared that up, but just because he’s your stepbrother’s fuck buddy. It would be… yeah.”

Everyone seemed to agree, vague hums of acknowledgement emitting their lips before they continued on with their usual conversation, one that was now thankfully void of Lee Minhyuk.

It was a pity Jooheon couldn’t void his brain of the thought of him quite as fast as the others seemed able to.

—

When Minhyuk’s physical presence wasn’t there, his emotional one still was; it was as if he’d embedded himself into Jooheon’s brain, if he wasn’t talking to him, he was talking about him and if he wasn’t talking about him, then he was likely causing havoc in Jooheon’s mind. There was something about him that held Jooheon captive, Minhyuk laid down a trap and Jooheon had found himself ensnared.

He’d taken his phone out with the intent of texting the model, but he’d been beaten to the punch, a flurry of texts littering his home screen.

**Minhyuk [21:37]:**

_Jooheon, I’m bored._

**Minhyuk [21:37]:**

_Play with me?_

**Minhyuk [21:38]:**

_Your brother doesn’t want to keep me company and I have nothing to do._

**Minhyuk [21:39]:**

_Talk to me about how work went some something I’m dying over here._

**Minhyuk [21:39]:**

_Have you wrote a love song for me yet?_ _^.^_

There was something that both Jooheon and Minhyuk had in common: the fact that once boredom kicked in or things weren't going quite as anticipated, they had a tendency to act akin to a petulant child, demanding and needy. The similarity stopped there, though, as the model had no qualms expressing it, whereas Jooheon sulked until someone picked up on it. 

Nonetheless, he decided to ignore the elders whining and flip the conversation topic. Since talking about writing love songs and who those songs were inspired by was not something he intended on doing with anyone, ever.

**Jooheon [21:43]:**

_What do you usually do when you’re bored? Or is pestering people the go to solution?_  

**Minhyuk [21:44]:**

_Pester? Depends, is getting laid pestering? Because that is the go to solution but alas, nobody has hit me up to be their booty call tonight so I’m suffering._

**Jooheon [21:45]:**

Y _ou’re something else dude, honestly._

**Minhyuk [21:48]:**

_It’s a great coping mechanism, baby. You’ll learn once you become a grown up._ _:)_

**Jooheon [21:50]:**

_A great coping mechanism for what? Waking up looking like you’ve just rolled off the cover of a magazine and proceeding to spend the remainder of the day being fawned over by everyone that looks at you?_

**Minhyuk [21:50]:**

_For life in general, honeybee._  

**Minhyuk [21:50]:**

_I didn’t know you fawned over me, I’m flattered._ _^^_

**Jooheon [21:51]:**

_You really just make your own context up, huh._

**Jooheon [21:51]:**

_I thought you liked video gaming, why don’t you do that?_

**Minhyuk [21:52]:**

_Yeah, I guess it’ll have to suffice for now._

**Minhyuk [21:54]:**

_Oh, and by the way, for what it’s worth, I fawn over you too._ _:)_

Jooheon scoffed at that. He was ridiculous, how can some people be that flirty by nature? It didn’t make sense to him, not even in the slightest. He couldn’t flirt for shit even when he meant it, let alone for conversational purposes like Minhyuk done.

That night, he fell asleep, phone clutched in hand thinking about how maybe someday, he and Minhyuk would be the best of friends. They got on like a house on fire, after all.

—

He’d tottered into the house in a daze, laden with exhaustion. Returning home and bumping into Minhyuk was nothing new, he didn’t even so much as bat and eyelid when the other turned up out of the blue now. That being said, what he hadn’t grown accustomed to — purely because it wasn’t something he’d been exposed to — was seeing the interaction between Hyunwoo and the model. He could count on one hand (and still have fingers left over) how many times he had seen them talk with one another, which might have sounded absurd given the reason Minhyuk came over here in the first place, but he’d managed to miss witnessing things like that due to he and his brother’s different sleep and work schedule. 

Which was why, when he walked into the living room that afternoon and saw Hyunwoo sprawled out on the couch, semi-naked as he watched TV whilst Minhyuk rested peacefully against his chest with their legs entwined, he’d felt a bit discombobulated. There was a sickly sort of feeling budding in the pit of his stomach and a heaviness in his chest, but pinpointing the reason was out of his depth. He supposed it might’ve been the sensation of feeling like an intruder in his own home that triggered the feeling. 

It shouldn’t have felt as weird as it did — they’d been fucking for months after all and Jooheon had been okay with that, not to mention there had been numerous occasions in which Minhyuk had clung to him like a koala, linking their limbs or snuggling into him but for some reason, it didn’t settle well with him.

Hyunwoo and Minhyuk. It was just too weird. It sounded weird, it looked weirder and it made him want to sink into the ground and never show face near the pair of them ever again. 

“Oh, Jooheon. You’re back already?” Hyunwoo noted when he noticed his presence in the room. “I thought you had a meeting with the artist you were writing lyrics for?” 

“Right, I did. The lyrics got approved quickly so we were finished quicker than I thought we would be,” he explained, hesitantly and almost unwillingly sitting on the single leather seat in the room, since the couch was evidently occupied. “You look… cosy.” 

“Hm?” he mumbled, a look of bemusement written on his face, only faltering into realisation when Jooheon gestured between the two men, signalling what he was referring to. “Oh. Right. We were watching TV and he fell asleep.” 

He had so many questions that he didn’t want to ask; he wanted to scream at him to elaborate further, to settle the spinning of his mind. Since when did Hyunwoo cuddle up to people like that? Was it a common thing between them or had the relationship changed after all? He wanted to know, but he couldn’t find it in himself to pry anymore than he had done so he nodded in acknowledgement, gnawing at the inside of his lip to stop the unspoken words from spilling. 

“Are you at the office at all today?” he changed the subject, unsure of what to talk about given the uneasiness that had overcome him.

“Yeah, I need to be there in an hour,” he replied, so laid-back that you’d have thought the place he had to be was merely next door when it was, in fact, a forty minute drive when the traffic was bad — which it had been. “Do you have to go, too?” 

“Nope. I’m free for the rest of the day,” he shook his head, slouching further back into his seat. “You’ll need to leave soon if you want to be on time. The roads were busy.” 

Hyunwoo nodded, carefully beginning to untangle the other from him, doing his utmost not to rouse him. He was clumsy and nonchalant so often, it was unfamiliar seeing him treat another person so delicately as if he were porcelain, so fragile and easy to break. 

“He… might want to stay,” he muttered once he’d successfully separated their entities without waking the other. “You can talk to him when he wakes up. If he wants to, he can use my bed.” 

“That’s fine but… _why?_ He doesn’t sleepover consecutively like… ever?” Jooheon questioned, confused. “In fact, how come he’s even still here? He’s rarely here in the afternoon.” 

Hyunwoo shrugged his shoulders, looking as clueless as Jooheon felt before adding, “I don’t know. He came over and was upset, said he didn’t want to be alone and I wasn’t going to kick him out. He’s our friend, isn’t he?”

Jooheon agreed silently; he wished his brain would stop making him feel like such a selfish dick, but apparently it wasn’t down for cooperating today. 

Once Hyunwoo left to finish getting ready, he was left alone in a room filled with nothing but the sound of Minhyuk’s breathing as he slept peacefully on the sofa, and it took Jooheon a stupid amount of energy not to walk over there and caress his cheek; he looked exactly how one would imagine the human embodiment of an angel to look.

—

By time Minhyuk had revived himself, turning into more of a human and less of a corpse, Hyunwoo had left for work already and Jooheon — who’d spent far too long watching the model sleep and then scolding himself for acting in such a manner — had put some nonsense TV show on to take his brain away from reality for a little while. 

He looked groggy, sitting up with eyes semi-closed, hand rubbing the sleep away and the other scratching at his stomach. It seemed like it took him a moment to establish where he was and why he was there; it took him even longer to realise Jooheon was in the room with him. 

“Hey,” Jooheon said, alerting the other to his presence. “Did you sleep okay?” 

“Oh, honeybee….” he blurted out, voice thick with sleep. “I think so… I don’t even remember falling asleep. Where's Hyunwoo?”

“Work,” Jooheon stated, his tone accidentally coming out a bit more cold than he’d intended, but for some reason, he wanted Minhyuk to pay attention to him, not Hyunwoo who wasn’t even there. Oh well, there wasn’t much he could do about it. He wasn’t here for Jooheon, that was what he had to remind himself. “He’ll be back later, though.”

“Oh. No, it’s... no, it was just because he was here before I fell asleep,” Minhyuk stumbled over his words, something unusual given that he was often so eloquent. “Did he, um… mention that I might stay the night?” 

“He did,” Jooheon replied, chewing on his lip. He couldn’t shake the weird feeling that had come over him, but he was doing his best. “I don’t mind. Stay as long as you need.”

Minhyuk sent a nod his way, relief washing over him. He didn’t seem his usual cheerful self, but Jooheon didn’t want to pry into what was bothering him, either. Or rather, he did want to, but knew it wasn’t his place.

“Jooheonie?” Minhyuk whispered the name nervously, like he was almost afraid to speak. Once Jooheon looked at him giving him his undivided attention, he continued. “I want you to be honest with me, okay? What do you think of me? About the fact I sleep around and that I’m renowned for being a slut? Does it make me a shitty person?”

“What? Of _course_ it doesn’t. It’s up to you what you do, Minhyuk. I would never judge someone for their choices,” he explained, slightly confused by the randomness of the question but eager to ensure the other knew he didn’t think any less of him for who he slept with. “I mean... unless it’s like rape or you’re thirsting over kids. Then I’d judge you, but otherwise, I’m not like that. What made you ask? Do I seem like the sort that would be negative about it or something?” 

He was picking silently at his fingernails as he shook his head no, unable to even so much as make eye contact with Jooheon. Although Minhyuk was a tiny bit taller than him with limbs that were almost long enough to rival Hyungwon’s, he looked so small right now, knees tucked in toward his chest and head bowed downwards. 

In the time he’d known Minhyuk, he had, of course, learnt a lot of things and one of the the things was, when the model was at a loss for words or unable to form a proper sentence, he despised it. Seeing someone usually so eloquent and talkative unable to find words despite having a mind filled with so many thoughts, was horrible and he hated being a witness to it. He associated Minhyuk with smiles — _happiness_ — not silence and misery.

It was enough to compel him to approach the other, moving from his seat to the couch where the other was situated on. Jooheon wasn’t reserved by any means — he wasn’t lacking confidence for the most part and he didn’t have qualms about talking openly — but he seldom approached a person without being given a good incentive to do so, but seeing Minhyuk so uncharacteristically quiet was too much to ignore. 

He didn’t want to force an answer from him, not when he had such an air of vulnerability about him, so he opted for silent comfort, taking Minhyuk’s hand in his own and locking their fingers together, his thumb deftly stroking the back of his hand. As someone who wasn’t normally an instigator, this wasn’t his forte but his body reacted instinctively before his brain had even caught up. 

"Thank you," he breathed out, his voice fragile - wavering. "I asked you because... I'm not saying you're naive or that you have no sexual experience - I know you do - but you don't seem promiscuous, I guess? I mean, you might be and I could be reading the situation all wrong, but...anyway, people like to talk. About me. It's nothing new so I'm used to it, but sometimes it's... I don't know, don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed of myself - I like sex, I'm comfortable with my sexuality and I'm educated well enough to know how to keep myself and the people I sleep with protected. It's not something I have trouble admitting to, but there are times when I hear a comment in passing and for a while, it'll linger and escalate into me questioning my own moral standing: does it make me a bad person? If not a bad person, am I dirty? Just some used goods that's lost all its value? Does it make me unloveable? Things like that run through my mind. It's just... I don't sit and make comments about people who are inexperienced, nor would I ever because people should be free to live as they please without feeling remorseful over their choices, so why do people think it's okay to comment on me - or anyone else for that matter? It's annoying and... Shit, I'm rambling, sorry." 

Jooheon took a moment to digest the spiel he’d just heard before giving a response. Even to him it was frustrating; how is it that some people are so open minded while others are still stuck in the fifties? It baffled him.

“You’re not in a relationship Minhyuk, the people you sleep with are consenting adults and like you said, you’re being safe. You’re not doing anything wrong,” Jooheon squeezed his hand, reassuring him. “You’re not used goods, you’re just Lee Minhyuk and people will see you for you. If somebody can’t see past another person’s sexual history — whether it be because they’ve slept around or haven’t had sex at all — why would you waste your time on them, anyway? You deserve more than narrow-minded assholes.”

When he looked toward Minhyuk’s face, he could sense a nervous energy in him; his mouth was pressed into a firm line and his eyes were wide and glistening. Somehow, even then he looked beautiful — if he’d owned a polaroid he’d have snapped a picture of him there and then. 

“You’re… so strange,” Minhyuk sighed, the corners of his lips curling ever so slightly into a sad smile. “Most people would scold me and ask why I sleep around so they can try and ‘fix’ it. It’s understandable though, right? Now that I’m closer to thirty than twenty people look at me and think I should be settled down.”

“It’s not my life, though. Why would I try and dictate it? If you want to tell me why you sleep around, you’d tell me, right? Otherwise, it’s none of my business,” Jooheon explained, shrugging as if none of this was a big deal, which, to be honest, it wasn’t really.

Minhyuk was quiet, playing with Jooheon’s fingers, evidently deep in thought about something. It felt almost cruel, that you could be so physically close to someone and yet, they could be so far away emotionally. 

“I don’t… really have anyone, you know? I have acquaintances I guess, people that I meet up with every now and then. Hyunwoo is the person I’m closest to here and even then, it’s more a physical thing than an emotional one. It’s not like I’d call him up to confide in him when I was upset or anything; when it comes to things like that, I’m more or less on my own,” he confessed, all focus put into the fingers he was fiddling with as he spoke. “It’s… been a while since anyone seemed genuinely interested in me as a person and not just as a sexual pursuit.”

There were a hundred questions floating through his mind, none of which he could obtain the answers to without asking, but how could he ask? He didn’t deserve to know the answers to Minhyuk’s secrets, not when he sat there looking so wounded and hurt as he thought about it.

He wanted to know why he wasn’t close to anyone when he came across as a social butterfly. He wanted to know what caused that look on his face, filled with hurt and vulnerability. He wanted to ask about his family, to learn if they were there for him or not. Everything. He wanted to know everything about him so much that it was overwhelming.

“You seem like someone that would be loved by everyone, though. Hearing you say that you don’t have anyone…” Jooheon trailed off, unsure how to complete the sentence without the conversation getting more intense than the model would be okay with. “Your body isn’t your only worth, I hope you know that much at least. You’re worth more than just how you look.”

“I used to be like that — a social butterfly. Even now, I don’t struggle socialising with people, but I can’t get close to them. Back before I moved here, I was surrounded with friends but then things happened and I guess I lost the ability to trust somewhere along the line,” he explained, tone burning with insecurity. “It’s been years since I gelled with someone like this. I felt comfortable with you so quickly. You’re so… soft. It makes opening up to you feel as simple as breathing.”

“Yeah? I’m relieved,” Jooheon smiled softly. “You’re not from here originally? When did you move here?” 

“It’s not like I moved from another country, I only changed cities, but yeah. I moved here a few years ago. I was dating this guy and it was my first serious relationship and I decided to come out to my parents. I had a good relationship with them and so I didn’t think much about how they’d react and let’s just say it didn’t go how I’d expected. I haven’t seen them since then, they made it clear that they didn’t want anything to do with me — my brother included,” the words came out sounding bitter, hostile even. He leaned his body into Jooheon, like way a shy child does when it’s trying to hide. He didn’t want Jooheon to look at him, but their hands remained firmly mounded together at least. “I didn’t have anywhere to go after that, so I went to my boyfriend at the time and within weeks we found a place here together. He was older, rich — he could do things like that on a whim and I was smitten. Things were perfect at first, living with someone you loved in a new city, having interesting things to explore daily, but I was lonely. I didn’t know anyone but him, and I’d just lost my family — the people I was sure would be consistent throughout my life.”

Jooheon felt something inside of him shatter at the thought of him having to suffer something so horrific and barbarous, let alone him having to suffer through it on his own. He took a second to digest it all, to listen out for hidden meanings or pathways into secrets that he’d left untold, but that he wanted to be discovered. Fuck, he wanted to be the one that discovered them, he wanted to be the one that helped heal him. 

“That’s… shit, I’m so sorry. You don’t have to tell me this, you know? If it’s too much, you don’t need to elaborate,” he stated before continuing with a question. He didn’t expect it to be answered, but it proved he was listening, that he cared. “You said it was perfect at first? What changed? Did something happen?”

“I—“ Minhyuk shook his head against Jooheon’s arm, nuzzling in closer, his grip on his hand tightening hard enough that it bordered on painful. “Things went really bad, really quick. I was all one my own, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and the relationship… it was horrible. I— it’s not something I’ve talked about, but it was really bad, Jooheon. I felt like an idiot; how could I misjudge someone so badly? I must be bad at reading people since I got both my parents and him wrong. I felt… pathetic.” 

He stroked Minhyuk’s hair, comforting him in the only way he could right now, words failing him. It made him angry, he didn’t know what had happened and it still enraged him. Nervously, unsure of where the line was and whether or not questioning him would be crossing it, he asked, “what happened between you and your ex?” 

He shook his head, the sharp inhale he’d taken audible in Jooheon’s ears. There was a pregnant pause, Minhyuk’s body stiffened up against him, the hand in his coated with a cool layer of clammy sweat that had formed in the blink of an eye. 

“Don’t make me tell you,” he eventually choked out, voice barely a whisper. He sounded on edge, like he’d done something awful, but Jooheon couldn’t quite decipher the emotion hidden in his tone. He thought it might’ve been fear, or something akin to it. “It’s okay now. I’m— I’m over it. I don’t— let’s… can we not? Please?” 

Good thing Jooheon had learnt over time how to take a hint; his words alone wouldn’t have been enough to sate his curiosity, though. It was the body language, he’d composed himself rapidly, but the anxiety he’d felt when Jooheon asked? That much was evident even to him and he wasn’t a person that was okay with making another human being stressed or nervous so he wasn’t going to force an answer from him.

“Okay,” he breathed out, moving and resting his head atop of Minhyuk’s. “We don’t need to talk about it, but... if you want to, one day... I’ll listen to you. I’ll be the person you can call up to confide in, if that’s what you want me to be, alright?”

He’d anticipated a nod in understanding, a squeeze of his hand in appreciation. What he hadn’t anticipated was Minhyuk crawling into his lap, locking their lips together, hands still intertwined and pressed between their chests.

For a moment, it felt like he’d gone braindead, his mind taking a second to comprehend what was happening before his mouth instinctively worked back against Minhyuk’s own. He could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins, every nerve ending in his body a live wire. It was weird, the tingling sensation dancing in his stomach, an emotion he couldn’t quite identify but god, he could melt into Minhyuk’s lips, his experience evident — he must’ve seemed sloppy and childlike at kissing in comparison but he couldn’t find it in him to care, not when his entire body felt like electric from a kiss alone. 

It took longer than it should’ve for him to pull away from the kiss, albeit grudgingly as guilt caught up to him when he remembered Hyunwoo. He couldn’t let anything escalate between them, could he? They’d both stated there were no feelings involved but even so, Minhyuk was more Hyunwoo’s than he ever would be his.

The model felt so close to him, it felt like he was reading him like he would a book, eyes scanning over his face in search for something. Jooheon wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but his heart clenched right at the sight of him regardless. His mind still wasn’t able to fathom how a human being could be that beautiful, like a painting personified. 

“What?” he asked, curious about what was running through the models mind as he searched him with his gaze. 

“Nothing,” Minhyuk dismissed in response, his stare still fixed on Jooheon, lip pulled in between his teeth. 

What compelled him, he wasn’t sure — it might’ve been that look, nervous and unsure in Minhyuk’s eyes, or it might’ve been nothing more than selfish greed and desire — but he leaned forward, despite internally lecturing himself only seconds ago, and pressed a fleeting and chaste kiss to the older of the pairs lips, the touch lasting no longer than five seconds.

It seemed to relax Minhyuk at least, that was the main thing, but it somehow made him feel unsettled within himself, resentment creeping under his skin. Why was he like this? It made him want to die. Hyunwoo had done so much for him and yet, all he wanted to do was touch the man he’d been making love to for months — it was horrible and it made him feel like a traitor and on top of that, he was confused about the situation on so many levels. He couldn’t even understand himself, this wasn’t like him at all. 

“I’m tired,” he breathed out, deciding that sleep might be the best thing right now. Well, anything had to be better than mentally torturing yourself, right? “I think I’m gonna call it quits for tonight.” 

Making to move, finally untangling he and Minhyuk’s fingers and moving the other’s slight frame off of him. It wasn’t a lie as it so happened, when he stood up a wave of fatigue genuinely did wash over him, a sudden tiredness not previously present forming, clouding his conflicted mind even further.

Long, lean fingers wrapped around his wrist, catching him before he was able to leave and he turned around, looking at the other quizzically.

“Wait, Jooheon,” he whispered, voice cracking, reminding him that, he was in fact, a selfish asshole for briefly forgetting post-kiss that the other wasn’t feeling all that good about himself. “I don’t want to be on my own. I’m sorry if I upset you, I didn’t mean to kiss you, I’m just not used to people being nice to me without wanting something in return. Shit, people don't even call my phone unless it's for sex. I’m sorry, just… don’t go.” 

One thing Jooheon had noticed was that while there was something so charismatic and positive about Minhyuk, something that made him seem like the epitome of sunshine, strong and bright, there was an awful vulnerability about him, too.

“I’m not leaving you and you didn’t upset me,” he clarified, and he hadn’t. He’d reminded him that he was a dreadful person, and maybe saying that he hadn’t meant to kiss him wounded his pride, but he wasn’t angry at him. If anything, he was vexed at himself and he wanted to remove himself from the situation because of that self-directed resentment. “I’m just tired is all. I’m not going anywhere out of the house.” 

“That’s… can I come with you, then? I’m not annoying to sleep next to, right? You’ve slept beside me before…” he asked, unusually timid. 

How was he supposed to refuse that? He couldn’t, he could be cold to people if he wanted to be but to refuse that request? It would be like kicking a puppy.

He let out an inconspicuous sigh of resignation, attempting to blow the anxiety that had built up within him out in one breath before signalling for Minhyuk to follow him.

   


   


It was a strange feeling that clogged up in Jooheon’s chest when Minhyuk snuggled into him, wrapping his arms around him and resting his cheek against his shoulder. It was a sensation so foreign he couldn’t describe it entirely, but if he had to try he’d say his chest felt murky and so, so warm all at once, like the sun warming his inside, only for the view to be obscured by thick, black, tar-like fog. 

“Tell me something about you,” Minhyuk whispered, voice so small that Jooheon felt the words more than he’d heard them. It took him a minute to realise it wasn’t him that had said it to Minhyuk, but instead Minhyuk that had said it to him. 

“What do you want to know?” he asked tenderly, the warmth from hidden sun inside of him spilling into his tone.

“ _What?_ ” Minhyuk blurted out, shocked.

“What do you mean, ‘ _what_ ’?” Jooheon laughed at his reaction. “You said you wanted to know about me; what do you want to know?” 

“I didn’t… even know I said that aloud,” Minhyuk stuttered, the bashfulness audible. “I thought you had hidden psychic abilities and almost died. But, since I vocalised my inner monologue unintentionally, I want to know something nobody else does. I just… I want to know everything about you.” 

“Weird. Where is my taunting, sex obsessed Minhyuk? I’m not sure if my heart can handle the level of genuineness in your voice right now,” Jooheon teased, trying to cheer the other up while lightening the mood simultaneously. “But you can ask, you know. Whatever you want.” 

“ _Oh_? Since you, my sweet little honeybee, asked where that Minhyuk is while proceeding to state that I could ask, I’ll comply like a good boy and go back to ‘ _taunting, sex obsessed Minhyuk_ ’ while asking you a question,” Minhyuk replied, provocative lilt lacing his words. “So, have you ever thought about fucking me?”

“What are you talking about...” Jooheon dismissed, ignoring the question entirely, tension rising through him.

Was this a shield? It seemed like intimacy was his distraction, his release from all the shit he had to endure. It made Jooheon nervous; he didn’t want to be Minhyuk’s ‘distraction’, but also, he did.

“C’mon,” Minhyuk pouted, his tone bordering whiny as he spoke. “People know I sleep around and I’m pretty, aren’t I? Honestly, almost everyone I know has thought about fucking me, or... me fucking them, whichever they’re into, both work for me. Haven’t you thought about it, Jooheon?”

“Lee Minhyuk, shut the _fuck_ up or I’ll throw you out the window,” Jooheon groaned. He couldn’t deal with this, in his bed, with the most beautiful being on the planet pressed against him. What sort of fucking demon had he allowed into his life? “You’re sleeping with my stepbrother, remember?”

“That’s irrelevant, we’re not exclusive for starters — I sleep with other people, Hyunwoo sleeps with other people. That, and who even said  _I’d_  thought about sleeping with  _you_? The question was for you, not _me_.” Minhyuk clarified, that ever so slight playful lilt dancing in his words. 

“Mhm, sure, but he _doesn’t_ sleep with anyone else, and regardless — you’re still sleeping with him, exclusive or not, which is why asking that is fucking weird,” Jooheon retorted, being somewhat serious and somewhat evasive.

“Baby, just because he doesn’t bring everybody back here doesn’t mean he isn’t sleeping with other people. He fucked a girl in the back of a club while I was there talking to someone like a month ago,” Minhyuk smiled fondly, in awe at how innocent Jooheon was coming across. “You’re so pure, I can’t even have this conversation with you oh my god. Why are you so cute?” 

“Monogamy isn’t for you, huh?” Jooheon said, a little startled by how relaxed he was about that sort of thing. Not that he wasn’t — one night stands and noncommittal relationships were fine, but sleeping with someone every other day and then being meters away from them while they fucked someone else? He wasn’t sure he could do that. “Also I’ll ignore the pure comment but the cute comment? Appreciated, I guess.” 

“I mean, if I was in love then monogamy would be for me, but I’m not... in love so there’s that,” he shrugged, dismissive. “What about you, Jooheon? Have you ever been in love with anyone?”

It took him time to think, to rack through every encounter he’d had and distinguish whether what he’d felt in situations had been love, lust or just plain loneliness.

“Honestly, I have no idea,” he confessed, unable to draw a conclusion. 

“I see,” Minhyuk responded, thinking. What about, Jooheon didn’t know, but he was definitely thinking about something. Minhyuk was stroking his fingers against Jooheon’s chest, a silence falling over them as the elder of the two got lost in thought somewhere. “Well, anyway, back to the subject at hand and for the record… I’ve thought about it,” Minhyuk declared, quiet but self-assured. “More than once.”

“About what?” he wasn’t dumb; he could guess what Minhyuk was referring to but it just didn’t seem plausible. That someone like that, a model, a walking ray of sunshine with the aura of an angel, would think about him, period. 

“You fucking me. Me fucking you. Your pretty lips wrapped around my dick, mine wrapped around yours,” he mumbled into his ear, voice lingering there even after he’d finished speaking. It — he — was so intoxicating, it was making him feel delirious. “I want you to fuck me,” he continued, whispering the confession into his skin, breath hot and words heavy. “I want to feel you so bad, God.”

The situation was a fucking mess, granted, but Jooheon was weak and those words were enough to push him over the edge he’d been dangled on for sometime. It felt like all the restraint he had dissipated, fading into thin air just like that. His gut was reminding him that this was wrong on so many levels, that it was happening because the elder felt vulnerable but his rationality had been thrown out alongside his control. 

“Okay,” Jooheon wished he were stronger, that he could keep holding himself back. “If that’s what you want.”

Minhyuk looked up, cocking his head to the side, hopeful and inquisitive, sucking his lower lip into his mouth. “Don’t you want it too? You have to want it, too. I don’t do pity fucks, no matter how desperate I am to have someone’s dick inside me or to put mine in them.” 

“I wouldn’t sleep with someone out of pity,” Jooheon clarified, he was certain about that at least. He was also absolutely positive that he wanted to sleep with him right now, regardless of how much he’d hate himself tomorrow morning. “I… I want to.” 

Minhyuk kissed Jooheon’s lower lip, sucking it into his mouth to part them and slide his tongue into the recesses of the other man’s mouth. His tongue found Jooheon’s and intertwined with it, gliding together so intensely that it felt like they were lighting a fire inside, their tongues as the ignition. It sent a wave of desire through Jooheon’s entire body, his grip on Minhyuk’s wrist tightening from the sensation. 

Just as the kiss began to rob both of them of their senses, Minhyuk traced his fingers up and under Jooheon’s shirt, fingers roaming beneath the fabric, touching anywhere and everywhere. Jooheon felt his body shiver from the touch, cold finger’s somehow heating up his body more and more with each passing second. 

When Minhyuk’s fingers found one of Jooheon’s nipples, fondling and pinching at it, he melted. It was enough to make him whimper and jolt, breaking the kiss that had been driving him insane. Unsurprisingly, it turned out in every way shape and form, Minhyuk knew what he was doing in this scenario, that was evident by the fact Jooheon’s cock was already straining against his boxers when they’d barely done more than kiss. 

The fact that he already felt so good tugged at the strings of his heart, building up that sense of guilt he was trying to forget, just for now. This was consensual between them both, Hyunwoo isn’t Minhyuk’s partner and this is very much a one time thing. He doesn’t need to beat himself up over it. He _doesn’t_. 

That was what he was repeating to himself like a mantra inside his head each time that thought crept back into his brain. 

“You look so pretty,” Minhyuk sighed, content, fingers still working but every iota of his focus was set on the expression Jooheon was making.

When Jooheon dared look at Minhyuk, he regretted it almost instantly. He’d seen how Hoseok looked at Hyungwon — intense, focused, unwavering — but he’d never had someone look at him like that. Until now. He figured that must just be how Minhyuk generally looked at people but it was… a lot and it made his heart pound against his ribcage. That alone was more or less enough to confirm to Jooheon that somehow, he’d definitely allowed himself to develop some form of feelings for the other man — now wasn’t the time to distinguish which feelings those were, but nonetheless, they were prevalent.

Thinking about it made him let out and involuntary sigh. He wasn’t sure he was ready to look further into those feelings, out of fear and suspicion he’d come to a conclusion he wasn’t yet prepared to accept.

“Hey?” Minhyuk sounded concerned by the lack of response, possibly made to feel anxious from the sigh he’d emitted. “What’s the matter?”

“Hm?” Jooheon mumbled, brought back to the moment. “Nothing. Nothing. You’re doing everything though? I thought you wanted me to fuck you?"

“I do, but I want to play, too. Sexual fluidity is beautiful, I can play and be played with. I’m not into this strict top and bottom thing but finding people who are also lax about it is like, a one in ten chance,” Minhyuk pressed his lips onto Jooheon’s neck, leaving a soft kiss there before pulling his own shirt off and tugging at Jooheon’s, silently asking for him to do the same. “I love your body so much, it’s the prettiest. I thought it before when I saw you but it really _is_ perfect.” 

Then, he began peppering light kisses over Jooheon’s body, the touch so faint it almost tickled but progressively becoming more fervent and erotic as he got more and more into it. 

Jooheon let out a little whine, Minhyuk spending extra time at particularly sensitive spots — the ones in which he was gaining the most reaction from — but making sure no unclothed area was left untouched. He squirmed when he dragged his tongue over his skin languidly, biting on his own lower lip due to the strange yet somehow pleasant feeling. Minhyuk learnt fast, returning to Jooheon’s most sensitive spots and kissing there again before dancing his tongue over the skin and sucking ever so slightly, just enough to make it pinkish in colour but not enough for it to leave a lasting mark. 

“You’re sensitive. It’s cute,” Minhyuk pointed out, lifting his head as he spoke, continuing to stretch up until he was able to draw Jooheon into another deep kiss. “Bet you’d be fun to fuck, Heonie. So responsive. Next time?”

“ _Mm_ ,” Jooheon responded, noncommittal.  _Next time?_  He was having a hard enough time accepting he was doing it  _this_  time. It’s _one_ night thing.  _Just for tonight,_ he decided that already. 

One of them — Jooheon wasn’t sure who — had revived the kiss, Jooheon’s already head spinning from it, breathing picking up pace rapidly. Minhyuk was a heavenly kisser, that much he could confirm as his fingers began exploring Jooheon’s body again, each touch making him quiver. How he had that affect, Jooheon had no idea.

Minhyuk broke the kiss, cupping Jooheon’s cheek in one calm and harshly swiping his thumb across his lower lip. “I want you to touch me,” he confessed, giving his mouth a parting peck, strangely soft and affectionate. “I look pretty, right? Don’t you want to touch, Jooheonie?”

Wordlessly, Jooheon danced his fingers across Minhyuk’s bare torso, fingers lingering at his waistband, dipping under them, taunting, before he brought his palm to against to the front, exploring the outline hidden beneath the fabric with his hand. Slow. Tantalising. He palmed him through the fabric, watching him writhe from the feeling that was too much and definitely not enough, head thrown back as his fingers clasped onto Jooheon’s sheets.

He was breathtaking. Jooheon could quite literally feeling his stare shoot hearts at him as he took in the scene before him.

“Stop,” Minhyuk whined, grabbing his wrist after a few minutes of the incessant teasing, touching him, but not in the way he wanted to be touched. “I need them off. Touch me properly, Jooheon.”

“So demanding,” he muttered, despite being thankful for it. Jooheon was more than content to both fuck and be fucked, but he was submissive by nature regardless. It seemed like Minhyuk was the same, but the exact opposite; his perfect match. 

Still, that didn’t mean he would do it right away. Instead, he paid some attention to his inner thighs. With his mouth. He started by leaving little kisses there, peppering them all over the skin there. Then, he tasted him, tonguing at the skin, dragging it along the area he was focused on.

“Mm. Jooheonie. Mark me?” Minhyuk asked, hand finding his hair and entangling himself into it. “Leave a reminder for me, baby.” 

That, he did comply with immediately. He sucked and nibbled at the skin, relishing at the breathy gasps Minhyuk let free. Once he was finished, he placed a kiss atop of the bruising skin and then finally, much to the elders delight, removed his boxers for him.

“Wow,” Jooheon breathed out, gnawing on his bottom lip as he looked as his fully exposed body. Minhyuk might not only have the prettiest face he’d seen in his life — he might have the prettiest dick, too. 

He got up for a moment, knowing he wouldn’t want to after he’d sucked him off to get a condom and lube from the drawer, throwing them down on the pillow next to Minhyuk’s head. 

“Mind if I use this to finger myself while your lips are on me?” Minhyuk asked, picking up the bottle. 

He shook his head no, but couldn’t help but think it’d feel uncomfortable for him, having to position himself in such a way, but he bent one knee, digging his heel into the mattress and raised his hips slightly, while leaving the other leg strewn on the bed so Jooheon could have access and he made it look so simple; the difference in their levels of experience showed. He’d have probably given himself a dead arm trying to do what Minhyuk was going to do. 

He moved forward, breath ghosting over Minhyuk’s cock as the other lubed his fingers. 

Minhyuk keened when Jooheon flattened his tongue, slowly licking from the base to the tip, the running his mouth over the head, sucking in small kisses. He licked down the shaft again and again, not yet fully closing his lips around it as he worked him up a little. Minhyuk bucked up toward his mouth in surprise while he pushed the first finger in, his slit already leaking and twitching from the mix of sensations.

He groaned again when Jooheon finally closed his lips around the head. He felt like he was melting from the combination of him exploring himself and Jooheon tonguing him from inside his mouth, twirling his tongue around and taking him in deeper and deeper. If there was one thing Jooheon knew he was good at, it was this. At least he’d had a decent amount of practice; giving head was his forte.

Minhyuk’s free hand captured Jooheon’s hair again, tugging at it harshly, whimpering when the other man hollowed his cheeks around him, taking him in fully, the head of Minhyuk’s cock hitting the back of his throat. He bobbed his head like that a couple of times, Minhyuk’s moans filling his ears as he did, and then he pulled back to the very tip, licking the head with a quick swipe. Catching his breath, he wrapped his hand around the shaft and kissed the head, proceeding to blow against it lightly, covering it with his whole mouth again promptly after. 

Jooheon hummed around his cock, sucking, as Minhyuk bucked into his mouth, ecstasy washing over him at the overwhelming amount of pleasure he was receiving both from himself and from Jooheon.

He wasn’t sure how many fingers Minhyuk had managed, too preoccupied with making him feel good with his mouth, but he could feel when he removed them from himself, his hips falling back down against the mattress.

“Jooheon,  _ah_ , Jooheonie, _wait_ ,” the younger wrung the cry from his partner’s throat, the elder pulling his head away from him. “Don’t wanna cum yet.”

“I wanted to taste you, though,” Jooheon pouted, but resigning almost immediately.

“I want to ride you, Jooheonie but… are you comfortable with it? You’re more submissive, right? If you’re happier being fucked, we can do it that way too, baby. Like I said before: sexual fluidity,” Minhyuk questioned, hand cupping Jooheon’s face as he spoke and, shit, it felt so intimate, he thought he might actually die on the spot. It was… so much. It felt like so,  _so_  much. “Both ways are fine with me. Seriously. Just tell me what it is you want, pretty.”

Jooheon shook his head, flustered. It was true that he was more comfortable being fucked, but he wanted to make Minhyuk feel as good as he deserved to feel. “No, I… I mean I am, but both ways are fine with me too. This… it’s fine. You can ride me, Minnie. I just want to make you feel good.” 

The model pressed their lips together, the touch lingering and lingering until it felt like Jooheon might suffer burns from the blood flowing through his own body.

Once they parted, Minhyuk freed Jooheon from his boxers, his deftly swiping his thumb across the slit and then proceeded to bring it up to his mouth, sucking against the pad of his thumb and fuck, fuck, _fuck_ , Jooheon was a goner.

Minhyuk grabbed the condom, teared it open and rolled it onto Jooheon’s cock for him, and lastly coating him with lube. Even that slight touch from the other hand the younger digging his nails into the sheets. 

The model positioned himself, one hand grasping Jooheon’s dick, their other placed flat out on his chest. “Are you okay? You’re sure this is fine?” 

Jooheon nodded eagerly, more than sure. Minhyuk gave him a little smile and then lowered himself onto his dick and he wasn’t sure what noise he made — something between a gasp and a moan — but once he was fully nestled inside, it felt like he’d just entered Heaven; he was seeing stars. The way he felt Minhyuk clench around him was otherworldly, he couldn’t even so much as form a coherent sentence to explain how perfect it felt. 

“Oh my _god_ ,” Minhyuk breathed out, the words coming out more as a moan than anything else. “You’re perfect, wow. Your cock… is _amazing_ , fuck.”

“You, too,” Jooheon blurted out, his brain-to-mouth filter malfunctioning due to the pleasure already coursing through him as Minhyuk’s thighs trembled at either side of him. “You’re so good, Min.”

Minhyuk interlocked one hand with Jooheon’s, their fingers knotted, while holding his waist with his other hand to support himself. Jooheon placed his free hand on the elders waist, mindlessly stroking up and down it. Minhyuk was a fucking work of art and that was all there was to it.

It took a few moments for him to adjust, but when he lifted his hips and sank back down onto Jooheon’s cock, both smooth and easy, it was… something. Jooheon felt his nails sink into Minhyuk’s hip where has hand had positioned itself. That would definitely bruise in the morning. 

“Ah, Jooheon. _Jooheonie_ , fuck,” Minhyuk moaned his name falling from his lips, over and over.

The sound of his name being called like that made something clench in Jooheon’s chest. It might’ve been desperation formed as a direct result of hearing his name like that on Minhyuk’s lips, or it might’ve been feelings he was doing his utmost to push down. Either way, it seemed he could win against neither his hormones or his hidden emotions.

Minhyuk moved his hips in a circular motion, getting used to the feeling, whimpering and whining with each movement, and well… being told that he was loud wasn’t a lie, he was vocal, but not in an over-exaggerated way, every sound he made was natural and Jooheon adored it; he sounded equally as beautiful as he looked. He leaned forward, ass high and then dropped down again, both of them moaning in unison. Jesus. How the fuck was Jooheon supposed to last like this?

“Mm,  _shit_. You really  _do_  feeling amazing,” Minhyuk hummed, rocking his hips. Jooheon was about to say something, but all he managed was a choked out sob because Minhyuk began riding him in earnest, and if he’d felt like before was perfection, this? It felt so good that it was unexplainable.

“You’re so…  _fuck_ ,” he cut himself short, instead cupping Minhyuk’s ass with his free hand — the one that wasn’t squeezing Minhyuk’s hand in a weirdly intimate way — as the elder fucked himself on Jooheon’s cock, head strewn back, lip pulled in between his teeth and skin glistening with thin layer of sweat making him look even more ethereal than usual.

“What? I’m what?” Minhyuk asked, his voice breathy as he leaned in, close to Jooheon’s face without even so much as letting the rhythm at which he was bouncing falter in the slightest. “Tell me, baby. I want to know.” 

Their faces were so close again that Jooheon could see every single perfect imperfection on his face; he could see each individual eyelash and his little uneven blink as he tried his best not to allow his eyes to flutter shut. 

“Beautiful,” he sighed, hand running over his waist again. “How can somebody be so beautiful?” 

It was too much, and completely unlike him. Words like that flow easily from Minhyuk’s mouth, but for him, it’s so intimate and this… _shouldn’t_ be. It’s supposed to be casual, meaningless, so why does his heart feel like it’s about to explode and why are his thoughts not just about pleasure, but also about how breathtaking the model is? How much he adores him?

There’s some reaction, Jooheon hadn’t been able to keep his eyes open long enough to see it, but for a second, Minhyuk ceases to lift his hips, like the words had stolen his last remaining brain cell, but he recovered so quickly that had he not have shut off the his sense of sight, he wouldn’t have noticed.

“Mm. Make me feel beautiful, then?” he challenged, regaining his usual attitude, thigh muscles visible and protruding as he slunk back down onto his dick, gaze fixed on Jooheon’s face. “Fuck me. _Properly_. I want you to make me feel pretty now. I’ve worked hard, right? If I’m _that_ beautiful, show me how much you want me.” 

So he did, he flipped them over and pushed Minhyuk onto the mattress, back flat against the bed while keeping Minhyuk’s legs hooked around him, their bodies never separating. Minhyuk wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him down for a short kiss, and then he bucked against him, telling him to move. And he did; he fucked him like it was the only thing he cared about, and right now, knowing this would never happen again after tonight, it was. He didn’t give a shit about anything else. 

Minhyuk moaned, high and needy, hands tangling in his locks, pulling the tufts as Jooheon thrust into him, angling himself perfectly. “God. _Jooheon_ , fuck me harder,” Minhyuk panted, voice whiner than he’s used to. “Please.  _Please_. Fuck.” 

Jooheon kissed him, soft and sweet, contrasting with the fact he was now fucking into him as hard as he was physically able to without causing either of them discomfort. Minhyuk shifted, wrapping a hand around his dick, stroking it at the same pace Jooheon was fucking him, snapping his hips to meet the younger’s every movement. Minhyuk’s pitchy moans sounded like the best fucking song Jooheon had ever heard, the lewd sounds of skin slapping against skin the perfect backing track.

He thrusts a handful more times and before he feels that coil in his stomach pulling tighter, tighter and fuck, Minhyuk feels so good that even if he wanted to hold off, he wouldn’t be able to, not for much longer.

“Cum for me?” Jooheon asked, wanting Minhyuk to be fully satisfied before he peaked, and as if on command, he did.

The sound that Minhyuk made as the white streaks painted his stomach and coated his fist was… well, it was something that Jooheon would store in the hard-drive of his brain forever, for when he needed it. He tried to hold off, just long enough to fuck Minhyuk through his orgasm.

He wore protection, but even so, he still pulled out before he came, the action receiving a quizzical look from Minhyuk, closely followed by something else. Before he’s even had time to remove the condom, the elder has it off him and is adjusting himself between his legs, big, beautiful eyes looking up at him, asking if it’s okay or not. It was; how could he ever refuse? Even if he hadn’t been rock hard, delayed orgasm impending, he still doubted he’d have it in him to say no to that.

When he took Jooheon’s cock into his mouth, it was both Heaven and Hell but he didn’t regret giving him approval. It was hot, warm, everything you’d expect from someone’s mouth around your dick, except it was Minhyuk. He trailed kisses — so disgustingly wet and sloppy they’d be vile anywhere else — up his dick, proceeding to dance his tongue around the head and catching eye contact with Jooheon, making sure he was watching well (which he was, he couldn’t take his eyes off him) before he sunk down, taking the entire length in his mouth until the head hit the back of his throat.

“I’m gonna cum,” he stated, giving Minhyuk the opportunity to escape. He didn’t. “Minhyuk, _Jesus_. What the _fuck_.”

He swallowed with ease, a line of residue from his release trickling down his chin when he pulled away, stroking Jooheon lightly through the aftershocks. When he came, it had been hard, he felt it in every inch of his body, but as soon as his mind returned, all he could do was stare and Minhyuk in complete adoration.

“What?” he asked already on his feet. He seemed so calm and nonchalant, given what they’d just done, but he was glad. Minhyuk was Minhyuk in every situation, he followed the beat of his own drum and he was okay with that. It was nice, comforting even. “Why are you staring?”

“Nothing…” Jooheon mumbled, somehow a little nervous. “You’re just… wow.”

“You’re sweet,” Minhyuk smiled, rolling his eyes and sauntering out the room, still stark naked. He returned less than a minute later, throwing a pack of wet-wipes at Jooheon and sitting back on the disheveled bed next to him. “Let’s just clean up with these. It’s too tiring to shower right now and the bed isn’t fresh now anyway so what’s the point.”

“Good plan,” Jooheon agreed, cleaning the already drying come from his skin, handing the packet back to Minhyuk so he could do the same.

There’s a silence when their eyes hold contact, Minhyuk’s eyes flicking down to his lips, but he looks wary. Even so, he leaned in, drawing them together, and it’s not special; not more special than the other kisses they’d shared tonight and no more special than the sex they’ve just had, but it felt… different. Intense, but gentle.

The fire had died down; it couldn't be blamed on the heat of the moment. It’s a conscious kiss — maybe the first they’ve shared where it isn’t mixed in with underlying lust.

Don’t overthink it, Jooheon. People are different, what’s normal to you isn’t normal to everybody and vice versa. Get over it. Stop thinking.

Minhyuk draped his arm over Jooheon’s waist, face nestled into his back and their legs tangling together like earphone wires, and he waits for him to speak, to say something but he doesn’t. Instead, he’s met with heavy breathing against his skin in a matter of seconds, the elder falling into a slumber almost instantly.

He must’ve been exhausted both mentally and physically; Jooheon hoped that he felt at least somewhat better now than he had earlier. The thought of anything making the angel next to him lose his glow broke his heart.

Those were the thoughts he fell asleep to, a longing for Minhyuk’s happiness as he drifted off to the sound of his deep, peaceful breaths.

—

Jooheon woke up the next morning, the sun peering through the curtains, so vibrant it was almost blinding. He buried his face in the pillow, basking in the warmth surrounding him and it had taken a solid minute for him to remember what happened last night and for him to realise that Minhyuk was stroking his hair far too affectionately and to then note that he didn’t care in the slightest; he was too tired to care.

“Hey sleepy,” Minhyuk chirped, voice already alert and very much awake.

“No,” Jooheon whined, hiding his head deeper into the pillow; he wasn’t ready to wake up and he definitely wasn’t ready to begin thinking. He just wanted to go back to sleep and let the moment last a little longer before he had to face reality. “Too tired.”

Their legs were still entwined and Minhyuk was still as close to him as he could get and shit, he wasn’t sure he’s woken up feeling that warm since he was a child.

“How can you still be tired, you’ve been sleeping forever,” Minhyuk sighed, his fingers still gently brushing through his locks. 

“I don’t have endless energy like you,” he groaned and it was true. It seemed like he’d been born with an excess amount of energy because he seldom slowed down. “My energy supplies are in the negatives.”

“So will your hygiene levels be if you don’t get up and shower soon,” Minhyuk quipped back, his tone light and carefree. Back to normal. “We can go together if you want?” 

“You asked that last time you slept in my bed. We still have two showers, believe it or not,” Jooheon mumbled, unamused at the latter comment. How was it possible for him to… be like, well, _that?_  

“You can’t fault me for trying,” he shrugged, his sunshine smile lighting up the room.

When Minhyuk moved to sit, their legs unravelling and the warmth from where he was pressed into Jooheon’s back vanishing, he wanted nothing more than for him to come back. It felt cold without him. He wondered if that applied only to his physical presence or was it an all-around thing? It felt like the moment he wasn’t next to Jooheon, he’d be submerged into the depths of winter. 

He followed suit, sitting up, stretching his arms and back, fatigued body letting out a few cracks.

“Hey. Is Hyunwoo back?” Jooheon asked, a sudden wave of nausea washing over him at the thought. 

“Hm? Oh, um. I don’t know,” he shook his head dismissively, although he must’ve noticed some sort of change in Jooheon demeanour because he looked… almost offended? He wasn’t sure, but whatever the look that flashed across his features was, it was masked in an instant. “Want me to check?”

He was about to nod, then he looked at the large, dark purple splotches covering Minhyuk’s exposed inner thigh. 

“It’s fine,” he said, words slightly strained. _Time to change the subject, Jooheon._ “How are you feeling now?”

“Better,” Minhyuk answered, simple and to the point.

When Jooheon turned around to face him, both still sat on the mattress, he’s closer than he’d expected, and he’s staring. It’s like he’s never seen him before, the way his gaze is taking every minute detail in. It’s enough to make his ears burn; he’s sure he’s probably wearing a blush but he can’t hide it. Even if he wanted to, he’s stark naked with natural sunlight filtering through the room; it would be impossible to disguise anything. 

“Stop that,” he groaned, embarrassed as he pushed at his shoulder lightly. “Why are you looking at me like that? What is it?” 

“Oh,” Minhyuk said, a little startled. “Nothing. Just… recounting what happened.” 

Really, he should’ve been past the point of embarrassment, but for whatever reason, it flustered him. The expression on Minhyuk’s face was unreadable, deep in thought but as blank as a sheet of crisp white paper. He wondered what he was thinking, how he felt, was he really feeling better, did he regret last night? In the end, he concluded that not knowing might’ve been for the best in the long run.

It was when Minhyuk leaned over, so close and wordless that Jooheon was taken aback. He didn’t know what the model was doing, but his fingers brushed so very softly against his cheek, lingering there for a moment too long and they were so close that if Jooheon wanted to, he could move just a few centimetres and press a kiss to his lips, soft and filled with less lust than the kiss the night prior has been.

Then he pulled his hand away and created distance between them again. “This was in your hair,” Minhyuk announced, normal, cheerful expression back on his face as he showed Jooheon the feather he’d removed for him.

Jooheon didn’t know what he’d gotten flustered over nor what he’d been thinking but he felt the vague discomfort settle in his chest.

“Oh,” he said, emotionless. His mouth felt like he’d been lost in the Sahara desert and had tried to quench his thirst with sand. “Thanks.”

That was the moment he noticed the thrumming of his heart filling his ears, the nerves bubbling in his chest. His mind tuned into emotions that he didn’t want and Jooheon was a scary-cat by nature, but he’d never been quite so terrified in all his life.

“I, um. I’ll shower now,” he stumbled over his words. It was sudden but he needed air. The sudden dawning of what was lingering inside him was suffocating and he needed to get out of here.

There was a look of confusion, followed by a bob of Minhyuk’s Adam’s apple and a nod. “Alright,” he replied, and Jooheon was out of there faster than Usain Bolt, knowing that if he waited, the other would find some other conversation to have and… he _couldn’t_. Not right now.

The water running down on him was burning, hotter than it should’ve been but a part of him was hoping that the water would wash away the memories of the past twenty-four hours down the drain alongside the dried residue from the night before. He didn’t even know how or why it had escalated. He shouldn’t have let it; he was a damn fool. More often than not, his flings could be blamed on alcohol, but this… well, it might’ve been better if there _was_ something to blame it on, but the fact was that there wasn’t. It was nothing but his own selfish desires and idiocy. He could feel his stomach churning, nauseated from self-hate and guilt. The worst part was, he knew it was a bad idea. He’d told himself over and over, but now he realised bad was the understatement of the century; this was disastrous and he hadn’t even gotten around to thinking about Hyunwoo. Shit. How would he ever look him in the face again? Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Cold air pricked at his skin when he stepped out from under the water, roughly drying his body and then grabbing his phone from the bathroom windowsill. His shower hadn’t washed anything other than the grime away, but he’d come to the conclusion he couldn’t hang around here with Minhyuk and Hyunwoo all day. Not unless he wanted to torture himself, which, he did not.

Phone in hand, a towel wrapped around his waist, he composed a message to Hyungwon, telling him he would be there in thirty minutes without even asking if he was home. He quite literally bumps into Minhyuk, the impact almost knocking the towel from him.

“Sorry,” he murmured, hand holding the fabric secure. “Did you find out if Hyunwoo is back?”

“It’s fine,” Minhyuk dismissed, smile still on his face and for some reason, it breaks Jooheon’s heart a little bit. God, he deserves the entire universe, what the fuck. “He isn’t back yet.”

Jooheon nodded. “I’m going to… nip out for a bit. You can stay here if you want, though. I, uh… my friend wants me to meet him, so,” and okay, he lied, but it was for the sake of his own mental wellbeing. “You’ll be okay on your own, right?” 

“ _Right,_ ” Minhyuk acknowledged, tugging his bottom lip into his mouth. It was almost like he knew Jooheon was bullshitting him and was in fact just running away but he was too nice to call him out on it. If that was the case, he was thankful. “Go ahead. I’m good.”

There were maybe a hundred things that ran through Jooheon’s mind that he could’ve — _should’ve_ — said, but instead, he nodded once more and slipped into his bedroom, pulling on whatever clothing items came out first and then he was gone, not even bothering to say goodbye to the model. He didn’t have the strength, not when his heart felt like it was shattering and there was nothing he could do about it.

—

He had barely said a word to Hyungwon or Hoseok despite the fact he had been slumped on their sofa for the past two hours, sulking and wallowing in self-pity. Jooheon isn’t a one to cry much, not like Hoseok or Kihyun, but he doesn’t feel well, the stress from his mentality causing physical side effects and his mind is in disarray.

Hyungwon and Hoseok weren’t ones to pry, they knew well that when someone needed space and time that deserved to be respected, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t question him and they had a right to; Jooheon had barged in on them without even asking and hadn’t explained a thing. If the shoe was on the other foot, he’d want to know what was going on.

“I’m probably in love,” he declared, numb and detached, deciding to get it over and done with now opposed to waiting around to be asked what was wrong with him. “I’m like ninety-nine point nine percent sure, actually.” 

It wasn’t only the first time he’d admitted it aloud, it was the first time he’d admitted it to himself, too. People had told him that accepting it made it easier, that sharing it lessened the burden but given that he felt no different from how he’d felt keeping it bottled up, he was calling bullshit on that. It’s was a shitty situation regardless of whether he embraced or denied it. 

“ _What?_ ” Hyungwon was the first to respond, consternation audible in his tone. Jooheon didn’t fall in love much, not like Hoseok who’d fallen in love multiple times prior to Hyungwon and not like Changkyun who fawned over someone new on a weekly basis, so the anxious tone combined in with the surpise was to be expected. “Are you being serious?” 

“Yeah,” he sighed, closing his eyes as if it would shut out his problems. It didn’t. 

“Isn’t… isn’t being in love a good thing?” Hyungwon asked, confused. Hoseok had moved over to Jooheon’s side and was petting him soothingly. He’d always babied him and right now, Jooheon couldn’t be more grateful. He needed all the comfort he could get. “What happened? You get rejected or something?”

“You only think that because you two are in a happy relationship,” Jooheon huffed, bitter. Hyungwon and Hoseok’s relationship didn’t start well, though. In fact, it was about as messy as the situation Jooheon was in, if not more so, but that was irrelevant. At least they fixed their issues. “I wasn’t rejected, but… I think I’ve fucked up. I can’t go back home yet. Can I stay here? Just until I clear my head.” 

“You can stay here, Jooheon. You don’t even need to ask,” Hoseok answered immediately, earning a sharp look from the other. 

“Will you _ever_ stop coddling him and Changkyun or is this a lifelong thing I’m going to have to live with?” Hyungwon asked, exasperated. You’d swear he was the elder of the two sometimes. “Explain what happened first. Why can’t you go back home, Jooheon?” 

“Excuse _me_ , you baby them more than I do, you literally cuddle Jooheon until he falls asleep half the time,” Hoseok pouted, interrupting. “You’d hand feed him if he asked; we _both_ do it.”

He wasn’t wrong, but Jooheon needed to talk before it escalated into a Hyungwonho domestic over who coddled him more. 

"Minhyuk and I slept together last night," he gulped, deciding that getting straight to the point was easier that prolonging it given that it was inevitable he was going to have to confess and some point. He inhaled, trying to gather his composure so he could continue with what needed to be said. "It was a conscious decision; neither of us had been drinking. I wanted to even though I knew I'd despise myself for it by the time morning came back around," he elaborated, letting out a shaky sigh. "I know that they're not dating, but when you look at it, Minhyuk is Hyunwoo's. He comes over for him, not me. He interacts with me because of him, not because he spotted me somewhere and actively made the choice to befriend me. Everything I know about Minhyuk, I know because of Hyunwoo. That on its own is bad enough, but what makes it worse is that I don't think he slept with me because he wanted it, but rather because he needed it. Fuck, barely twenty minutes before it happened he told me that he didn't feel good and he’s told me before that sex is his coping mechanism. What kind of human being proceeds to sleep with someone after they've confessed to that? How the fuck am I supposed to look either of them in the face ever again?" 

Hoseok and Hyungwon shared a fleeting glance at one another, possibly telepathically communicating, a trait Jooheon was sure they'd developed over time - normal people don't share the same gestures and movements and know when to look at one another like they do. Both of their mouths were slightly agape, the disbelief written across their faces salient. Jooheon couldn't chide them for their confusion, it was out of character for him, all of this was - he wouldn't be surprised if the pair had come to the conclusion he'd been possessed.

"Wait, so let me get this straight: you slept with Minhyuk - the same Minhyuk who has been sleeping with your stepbrother for months - while he was in your apartment, presumably to see Hyunwoo for whatever reason?" Hyunwoo questioned, looking at Jooheon incredulously, awkwardly clearing his throat once Jooheon confirmed it with a nod. "That's... very Changkyun of you, I guess? Well, that aside, it was consensual, Jooheon. You don't need to feel bad about it; you're both adults who made that choice together and sure, maybe the reasoning behind why each of you done it was different, but even when you're in a relationship, the reason each partner wants sex is oftentimes different," Hyunwoo continued, tone so matter-of-factly, as if he was some sort of guru. "You won't be able to avoid Hyunwoo forever, baby. He's your step brother, not to mention he adores you. You'll worry him sick if you act as though he's the plague for too long. He won't be upset with you, not if you've fallen in love. It's something out of your control and he knows that as well as the next person does. Also, what the fuck, I can't believe you're in love with none other than Lee Minhyuk? Wow." 

“You didn’t tell him, though? Why you left this morning or what you feel towards him?” Hoseok asked, curious, his words still laden with compassion and care. 

Jooheon shook his head; he hadn’t even fully processed it himself until he’d said it aloud, there was no way he’d have been able to talk to Minhyuk about it. “I never wanted to fall in love with him. I don’t want this. I just... need time. I need time away from both of them. Please. I can’t do this right now — go back and face them, I mean.” 

"It's okay baby," Hoseok reassured him, ever the empath. "Take however long you need." 

Jooheon might not have been the luckiest in love related situations, but he lucked out when it came to his friends and for that, at least, he’s grateful. Then he remembered Minhyuk telling him he didn’t have anyone, really and it stings to think about. How can someone so loving and precious be so neglected? It’s cruel and Jooheon can’t help but curse his own feelings because if he hadn’t been smitten, he’d have been the best friend to Minhyuk. All his friends would’ve been, and God, that’s what he deserves. All he can hope is that one day, he’ll get a hold of himself and it’ll work out that way.

“You can stay here,” Hyungwon eventually seconded, ruffling Jooheon’s hair, his own way of showing that he cared. “Hey. How do you know you love him, though? You’ve never told me you love someone before. _Like_ , I’ve heard, but _love?_ ”

"You're right, I have _no_ idea what being in love is supposed to feel like," Jooheon admitted, a sheepish look on his face, "but if it means that your brain is rendered helpless because all you can do is think about them... if it means your entire demeanour alters when you're around them in the best way possible... if it means you'd do anything and everything for them," he murmured, embarrassed by his own words. "Then I'm infinitely in love with him."

—

The first week passed quicker than he realised, each day the same, the minutes and hours blurry, shrouded in depression and resentment directed only at himself. Hoseok had gone to the apartment and taken the essentials from there to here and he’d shared a phone call with Hyunwoo, explaining to him that he wouldn’t be home for a while. He didn’t ask for details, much to Jooheon’s relief, but that aside, nothing had happened and all he'd done was rot away in the spare bedroom of his friends home.

He couldn’t stop thinking about the model, his heart, and body both aching for his presence, he’d grown so used to seeing him every other day that not hearing his voice for a week felt like a lifetime. Jooheon has missed people before, but this time, it’s more prominent, like it’s trying to claw its way out of him.

It’d be a lie to say he’d forgotten that night; he couldn’t get a single detail out of his head, the sounds that Minhyuk made, the way he looked, the way he felt flooded his memories, tainting him. He was disgusted that he let it affect him so much, but he wasn’t able to refrain from touching himself whenever the memory sprung to mind. He’d painted the sheets more than he’d care to admit in the last seven days and with the amount he’d had to wash them, it was rather obvious, but Hoseok and Hyungwon played oblivious, allowing him to keep the shred of dignity he had left.

—

It had been nine days since, when Jooheon's phone lit up with the name he both dreaded and craved to see.

**Minhyuk [00:14]:**

_I hope you’re okay, honeybee._

**Minhyuk [00:19]:**

_I miss you a lot._

**Minhyuk [00:51]:**

_Your read receipts are still on. I’m glad you’re at least alive… Hyunwoo asked if I’d heard much from you. You should talk to him, he worries about you._

**Minhyuk [00:54]:**

_I do, too. For whatever I’ve done to make you want to avoid me, I’m sorry._

**Minhyuk [01:07]:**

_Goodnight, Jooheon._

—

It was when it hit the third week, nothing changing, that Hyungwon began getting irritated. Jooheon understood why, but nonetheless, it didn’t make him feel any more prepared to go home. Things were still a mess and he was no closer to burning his feelings; they’d said he could stay for as long as he needed, right? And sure, maybe the fact that it had now been closer to a month than a week meant he was taking the liberty a little bit, but he couldn’t find it in him to feel bad about it, not when he already had several other things eating away at him. 

“Jooheon, I love you, but you can’t live here forever,” Hyungwon stated, sat at the edge of the bed he’d seldom moved from lately. “You have work. Hyunwoo is worried about you and constantly on the phone to Hoseok. My sex life is going down the drain because we’re being cautious of you all the time, but that’s irreverent, I guess. The thing is, whether you like it or not, you’ll have to face all this eventually.” 

“I know that, but I need time,” he protested, anxiety already filling his lungs, terrified Hyungwon was going to tell him he had to leave now. “I’m doing my best. I’m just not very good at all this.”

“I talked to Minhyuk today,” Hyungwon dropped the bombshell, Jooheon suddenly remembering that they _did_ actually work together from time to time. He could hear his heart pounding because this is Hyungwon and a petty Hyungwon is capable of anything. “I didn’t tell him you’re being a slob because you’re in love with him, don’t worry.” 

“Oh,” he let out a sigh of relief. “How… how is he?”

He didn’t have the right to know, not when he was the one that cut him off, but it didn’t eliminate his curiosity, his desire to ensure he was okay. 

“Tired, I think. He might’ve been hungover, I’m not sure. I don’t know him well enough to gage how he is, but he said he was, and I quote, ‘ _okay_ ’ but, that can mean anything, can’t it?” Hyungwon told him, a slight crease between his tightly knit brows. He was at as much of a loss about what to do in this situation as Jooheon was, honestly. “I told him that I’d heard about him from Hyunwoo… and from you.” 

“ _Oh_ ,” he repeated, a little uncomfortable. He isn’t sure what to ask or if he even wanted to hear anything more.

“He asked about you when I told him that, Jooheon. I didn’t tell him much, but he wanted to know that you were okay,” Hyungwon continued, not bothered by the fact Jooheon hadn’t asked. “Don’t you think you’re being cruel? He had to ask me — someone, who he doesn’t know all that well — if you were safe and well?”

Jooheon wanted to respond, but he couldn’t. What was he supposed to say to that? Maybe it was cruel, that he couldn’t deny, but either way, eventually he’d have had to find out from a stranger how Jooheon was doing if he confessed because it’d be too awkward to be around one another once he’d inevitably got turned down, anyway. 

“Listen, it’s up to you what you do, Jooheon, but coming from experience, someone that sleeps around like he does and that uses sex to cope in the way he does, probably needs someone,” Hyungwon sighed, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. His past wasn’t something he liked speaking about, Jooheon knew that. The fact that he did and compared his situation to Minhyuk’s felt like a punch in the gut, riddling him with even more guilt. “Figure it out soon, please. For my sanity and for everyone else that’s involved.”

There were many things Hyungwon was good at; sending Jooheon into an existential crisis and leaving the room before he had the chance to speak again appeared to be one of those things, the words he’d spoken ringing through his ears even after he’d left.

—

“We’re going out,” Changkyun declared before his body had even fully entered Jooheon’s peripheral vision. "Also, you don't have a choice in it because numero uno, you owe me for not telling me about Minhyuk first when you're supposed to be my best friend and also, Hyungwon bribed me well because he’s sex-deprived since ‘ _you won’t ever fucking leave him and Hoseok in peace_ ’ — his words, not mine — so you’re coming with me even if I have to lift your voluptuous ass there.” 

"Nice to see you too," Jooheon responded, a combination of listlessness and sarcasm in his tone. Truth be told, Jooheon had difficulty refusing Changkyun - everybody did - it was like possessed a hypnotic energy that compelled people into being compliant in a bid to keep him content. "What did he bribe you with? I could top it... probably." 

"That's irrelevant because for one, I'm not interested and for two, I'm not going to tell you any details since you withheld information from me," he pouted, his vexation more playful than anything else. "That, and I'm an advocate for disallowing people to suffer from sex deprivation so I'm on Hyungwon's side in this scenario." 

" _Sex deprivation?_ It's barely been a month, I don't think that constitutes as 'deprivation'," Jooheon tutted, rolling his eyes. The other thing about Changkyun was that he was a handful — an adorable, demanding, sex loving handful. "I never said for them not to fuck, anyway, they invented that rule all by themselves."

"Hoseok's an empath, he doesn't feel good about brokenhearted people having to hear him and his boyfriend go at it in the bedroom. A month might not seem long to you, but everyone's sex drives vary; Hyungwon is used to consistent sex and he always has been, jerking himself off in the shower isn't going to cut it," Changkyun divulged, head flopped against Jooheon's shoulder. "How are you holding up with the whole being in love thing by the way?"

"Ask me once I'm over it and I'll be able to give you an answer I'm less ashamed about," Jooheon suspired feeling exasperated even at the mere thought of it; it was something he was doing his utmost not to think about right now, he'd done enough of that over the past month. "I have mild regrets about not asking him to fuck me before I fled the scene, though. You think sleeping else with someone will help me get over him?" 

The younger paused, contemplating for a moment.  "It's a game of trial and error, it helps some people and hinders others," Changkyun shrugged; getting over people wasn't his forte given that his remedy was just to block everything out. "I know what does help - alcohol." 

"Wow, all my friends really have coping mechanisms that are the epitome of health, huh," Jooheon noted, the sarcasm dripping like a leak in his tone. "Get laid and get drunk. I guess that's where the all answers lie." 

"Precisely," Changkyun smirked, wiggling his brows in a teasing manner. "I'll help you get ready baby. I'm good at enhancing features that'll draw attention to you, and by that I mean your thighs - they're glorious. I'm going to raid Hoseok's wardrobe to find something that'll flaunt them." 

Changkyun skipped out of the room before he even had the chance to agree (or disagree) with the idea. As much as he wanted to protest, he knew he had to return back to being a functional human being at some point, and sure, he'd rather stay cooped up in this room for another couple of months until his heart had settled, but he couldn't — this had to be his stepping stone back into reality, whether he liked it or not.

-

Initially, he's hit with a wave of anxiety, closely followed by what could only be described as something akin to a sensory overload; the music and chatter of the club felt as though it had been amplified by one thousand and his each and every scent in the air — from liquor to cologne to more unpleasant odours — felt like it was trapped inside his nose and for a brief moment, he wonders if his nose has been switched with Kihyun's. It's overwhelming, but when you've been cooped up within the same four walls for a month, he figured it was to be expected. 

Well, on the plus side, he didn't need to stress about how he looked too much, that was something at least. Changkyun remained true to his word and made him look good, Hoseok's skin-tight jeans clinging to his thighs in the best way possible and Hyungwon's oversized-sweater dipping so low that his clavicles were almost completely exposed. 

"You're so pretty," Changkyun cooed, tapping his finger against Jooheon's exposed dimple. "I'll be right back, wait here."

He weaved through the crowd effortlessly and Jooheon decided that for his first night out in so long, Changkyun was undoubtedly the best person to go with. With him, everything was so easy; he knew all the best places, he was acquainted with such a vast array of people that nothing ever became too dull, he shamelessly flirted with bouncers and staff to get discounts for himself and whoever he was with and he could tell any person that asked him whether or not there were viable areas within the club to get laid, and if there wasn't he was able to rhyme of the nearest and cheapest hotels for them to get frisky in. This was what Changkyun's used to; it's what he knows best.

Jooheon couldn't have been more thankful when he returned, setting a selection of shots down in front of them. He wasn't the biggest drinker, but right now he fucking needed it, body too tense for its own good. On the upside, he was a lightweight meaning that his night would be cheap, especially given that he hadn't even so much as looked at any form of liquor in over a month. 

“When did you last hear from Hyunwoo, by the way?” Changkyun asked voice raised enough that it could be heard over the noise levels. “You haven’t been home since, right? Isn’t he stressed out? You’re basically his child.” 

“I’m his stepbrother, not his child,” Jooheon chided. To be honest, though, Hyunwoo really did dote on him like he was a baby sometimes, so the remark was understandable. “I don’t know. He’s called me almost daily, or at least every other day. He doesn’t push or anything, but… I’m probably making him anxious deep down, I guess.” 

“You  _could_  tell him, Jooheon. You’re literally, like, his favourite person in the universe. He’d understand,” Changkyun said, gentle, caring. 

“That’s partially what I’m scared of. We’re so close... we always have been close. If he feels like I’ve broken his trust and still forgives me... ugh,” Jooheon stopped himself, pouring a shot down his neck. He wasn’t meant to be thinking about this tonight. “Let’s not do this right now. I want to get drunk, not upset.” 

"The best idea you've had all night," Changkyun commended him, tipping another shot down his neck, Jooheon following closely behind with his own. "Here's to... drinking heavy issues away?"

That, he could get on board with.

—

He doesn't really know why they're stumbling into the hallway of some foreign apartment, giggling and tripping over one another, arms interlocked like tittering school girls, but really, he doesn't particularly care. He can barely recall the journey here, to be honest, all he knew was that one minute they were swigging shots rambling on about this and that, and the next Changkyun was mumbling some incoherent bullshit about Kihyun asking them to meet him at some house party nearby. 

Drunk Jooheon and sober Jooheon are two very different people; drunk Jooheon is carefree and does what sober Jooheon wishes he could do and sober Jooheon is timid and nervous, not someone that would ever willingly make the first move on anything.

His mind is less hazy than it had been, the fresh air sobering him up a little, but even so, sober Jooheon is nowhere to be seen -- and good riddance, he needed a damn break from the consistent moping.

“Whose house even is this?” Jooheon asked, pouring himself a drink of whatever-the-fuck concoction was there and slumping down onto the sofa, muscles tired from dancing at the club prior.

“Good question. I don’t have the answer,” Changkyun said, flashing him an apologetic smile. “Someone Kihyun knows, I guess?”

"Informative," Jooheon replied sarcastically, taking a swig out of the concoction that tasted akin to what he'd imagine a four-year-old child's science experiment in the kitchen gone wrong would taste like, but he drank it nonetheless. Jooheon could tell that it was the kind of party where the people in attendance were more like strangers than friends or even acquaintances for that matter; it was evident by the fact that the shitty alcohol seemed to flow easier than the conversation did between most people. "Are you Kihyun's booty call for the night?"

Lips wrapped around his drink, Changkyun shrugged, playing coy.

“What is even going on with you two?” Jooheon questioned; it was the first time he had the courage to do so. Liquid confidence, as they say. “ _Wait_... have you slept with every single person in our friendship group now?"

"Well, I only blew Hyunwoo so it doesn't _really_ count, but sure, I guess so," Changkyun concluded as if it was a common occurrence in every friendship circle. "What? Hyungwon's slept with everyone except for you and Kihyun."

"I take no part in the incest that goes on between you all, how am I supposed to know?" Jooheon resigned his brain on the verge of imploding as he thought about who had slept with who. "Anyway, back to you and Kihyun. Explain?"

“You’ve slept with me.  _Multiple times._ That means you’ve very much part of it, Lee Jooheon,” Changkyun waggled his brows. “As for me and Ki… I’d tell you, but I’m as clueless as you are. I guess if we made a porno, the title would be, ‘ _semi-straight guy is too awkward and busy to find girls to fuck, so he pounds pretty baby boy instead_ ’ or something like that.”

“Hot,” Jooheon’s face contorted into something akin to disgust, sarcasm laced in his tone. “Why does nobody around me know what straight even is?”

“Open-mindedness? Curiosity? Fluid sexualities? The fact that Hyungwon, Minhyuk and I are both experts in the bedroom, so much so it makes straight men want to play with us? Take your pick,” Changkyun threw out suggestions, throwing his legs over Jooheon’s lap. “Drink that already. You’re not drunk enough, drunk people don’t ask that much.” 

Without even questioning, he drank the rest of the child-made experiment he’d grabbed earlier, finishing it all at once. He didn’t feel sober, not at all, but he also hadn’t forgotten his own name yet and that had been the plan. Pity the air had sobered him up.

“Let’s go get another drink,” Changkyun said, already standing, swaying slightly on his feet. Jooheon hopped up after him, his condition not much better honestly speaking.

The kitchen was busy, as they tended to be at house parties - Jooheon wasn’t sure what he expected, but he was glad the kitchen was spacious at least, it meant he had space to breathe without someone’s dick bumping up against his ass without consent. 

A tipsy Kihyun curvetted over to them energetically, immediately pulling them both into a three-way embrace that likely wouldn’t have happened if they didn’t have alcohol running through their veins.

“Where have you been? I was looking for you both,” Kihyun asked, arm lingering around Changkyun’s waist when the hug was over.

“You couldn’t have been looking that hard, since we were literally sat on the sofa for the past twenty minutes,” Jooheon replied, dimples showing.

He had a sneaking suspicion that he was about to be abandoned by the pair, but to be honest, he had enough alcohol in his system that he didn’t actually mind.

He furrowed at the drink he was pouring into his cup, disgusted that he’d even put something like that into his body willingly again, but nonetheless, you gotta do what you gotta do.

“Jooheon isn’t even listening to me,” Kihyun sighed in frustration, the whine bringing Jooheon’s attention back to the present.

“I said, I can’t believe you’re in love and that all Kyun and I had to hear it through the grapevine,” Kihyun repeated, pretending to be hurt. He didn’t care, probably. He warned Jooheon about it being messy in the first place after all. “I’m glad you’re out of hiding now though." 

“Mhm. You can thank Kyunnie for that,” he pointed out, ignoring the former statement. Nu-uh. He’d come out to avoid that, not think about it. 

“Right. Actually, I need to talk to him about something. You’ll be alright on your own for a little bit, right?”

“Sure,” Jooheon nodded; he might’ve acted it sometimes, but he wasn’t a child. Well, at least he liked to tell himself that, but really, given how he'd acted lately, it was debatable. “I guess you two are going to fuck, right? Take your time, I will… wait here. Or around. In the house, somewhere, I guess.”

“What are you talking about…” Kihyun muttered, awkward and evasive. “Anyway, we’re going to talk, so just… don’t leave the house, okay? Wait for us.”

“Okay, okay,” Jooheon dismissed them, focus elsewhere already.

As they were leaving, he caught Changkyun mouth ‘ _we’re gonna fuck, it’s supposed to be hush-hush, love you_ ’ over his shoulder to Jooheon, to which he responded with a slightly amused but exasperated thumbs up. 

Again,  _bizarre_.

-

“Jooheonie,” a voice rung in his ear, a hand squeezing shoulder lightly. “You can’t sleep here.”

He didn’t know where here was, how he’d gotten there, who was speaking to him nor how to open his eyes. He let out a groan, unwilling to move.

The voice rang in his ears again, the pressure on his shoulder tightening enough that he built up the energy to respond. It was noisy; all he’d heard was the voice at first, but now that he was more alert, he realised wherever he was, was loud. He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and probably creating panda eyes along with it. 

“Hey,” that same voice said, and he felt his body react before his mind did, the hairs on his arms beginning to stand. “Are you okay?”

He didn’t realise quite how much he’d missed Minhyuk as a human being and not as just a love interest until he was sat next to him, the elders gaze filled with concern and words slightly slurred. If he’d been more awake, he’s certain he’d have formed tears at the sight of him. He wanted to touch him, he wanted to tell him he was sorry, he wanted to give him everything he deserved, but he was too drunk and too stupid to do any of it, so instead he just nodded dumbly in response.

“Good,” he smiled albeit with something hidden behind it and ran his fingers through Jooheon’s hair, pushing the overgrown locks out of his face. “I’m glad you’re okay, Jooheonie.”

Jooheon couldn’t help but stare. He looked beautiful; his hair had changed from dark to light, blonde now covering the long strands, his face was enhanced by make-up and Jooheon realised that this was the first time he’d seen him outside of those four walls, fully made-up and not with tear stained cheeks or post-sex hair, and _fuck_ , he’s gorgeous. 

“Yeah,” he breathed out, not quite sure what to say. He could feel the rate of his heart pick up just from looking at him and it was filling him with both adrenaline and nausea. 

An awkward silence, tense and prominent, sat between them for a minute, Minhyuk’s tongue gathering his bottom lip into his mouth, the way that he did when he felt he discomfort settling in him. Jooheon, on the other hand, pulled at the sleeves of his oversized sweater, a painful ache hovering in his chest as he thought about the fact that this really was his fault.

“Here,” Minhyuk eventually worked up the courage to speak, grabbing Jooheon wrist lightly, fingers barely pressing the skin. He was unsure, wary, Jooheon could feel it in him, but he was urging him to follow silently and so he did. “I woke you because I was nervous about you sleeping alone at a party on the sofa where anyone could do anything to you. You never know what sort of people are here, you know? There’s a room upstairs, you can lock it and sleep there. I’ll take you to it, alright? Just… don’t let your guard down like that, it’s not safe.”

“Thanks,” Jooheon managed, barely. Minhyuk was tentative of him even now when he didn’t deserve it; he’d been avoiding him for a month, hadn’t even explained why and yet he wasn’t acting spiteful, shit, he hadn’t even brought it up. “Is this your house?” 

“ _Hm?_ Oh, no, it’s not. I’ve been to parties here before though, so I’ve scoped the place well,” Minhyuk answered, not bothering to look at Jooheon, instead continuing to walk to their destination.

The walk was too long and too short; it had felt like forever, but it ended too soon and it set Jooheon into crisis mode as Minhyuk opened the door. What if this was the last time he ever saw him? Things had changed, clearly, the conversation that once ran smooth like a freshly tarred road was now riddled with potholes. Who would ever want to be friends with someone that failed to hold a conversation with them?

“Wait,” Jooheon said once Minhyuk had shown him the room and was readying to leave. He didn’t know what possessed him to grab his wrist — the alcohol, probably — but he’d caught hold of him instinctively. “Don’t go yet.”

“Jooheon,” he suspired, shaky. He looked conflicted and for the first time, he saw the hurt flash in his eyes. “You’re drunk. It’s fine. Everything’s fine, okay? Just go to sleep.” 

“You’re drunk, too,” he noted. He didn’t even know what he was saying, really, his heart was throwing whatever it wanted out of his mouth now that his filter had begun to glitch from the alcohol. “Please stay?” 

“I  _am_  drunk,” he agreed, the uneven blink Jooheon adored so much even more prominent from the effects of the alcohol in his system. “That’s why me staying is a bad idea.”

“I don’t  _care_ ,” Jooheon cut in, almost begging.

There was a part of him, he could feel, almost warning him, but the alcohol and longing were superior. He missed him. God, he’d missed looking at him, listening to him speak, conversing with him. He missed the way his lips felt upon his and he missed the way their bodies moved together. He missed everything.

Minhyuk faltered, their eyes finally meeting and Jooheon searched them for something. His mind is spinning, a combination of the alcohol and Minhyuk drowning his senses.

He never failed to look anything less than impeccable, so handsome and pretty with no effort necessary. His eyes sparkled like they held every constellation in the universe within them. Jooheon could look at him forever, the way each feature on his face complimented one another was ethereal; he belonged in an art gallery, not some dingy house party surrounded by drunks.

And Jooheon was an idiot because even though he’d tortured himself daily over it for the past month, he still wanted him. 

“I—“ Minhyuk began, but Jooheon was reckless when he was drunk and in love, or so it appeared that way — he hadn't had much experience of those two combined until now, really. He was cut off by Jooheon fisting a hand into his shirt, pulling him in and crashing their lips together. It was too harsh and the taste of liquor swirled between them. It’s sloppy, rough, but somehow with Minhyuk, it still felt perfect. His heart was hammering so hard it was bordering on painful and he wasn't sure if it was from the anxiety, the adrenaline or his own feelings, but nonetheless, he didn’t stop and Minhyuk didn’t pull away.

 

The moonlight filtered through the drawn back curtains, faint music from downstairs filling any silence that fell between them. Jooheon’s skin looked to be glistening with the beads of sweat that had already formed upon it. It’d have looked almost romantic if they weren’t both drunk at a party acting purely on impulse.

Minhyuk was three fingers knuckle deep inside Jooheon, teasing him mercilessly, wordlessly. He wanted to ask him to hurry up and get on with it, but all that came out were desperate mewls and ragged breaths. His free hand was holding Jooheon up around his waist as he leaned down and pressed a row of kisses down Jooheon’s spine, ending at the curve where the dimples on his lower back lay, his fingers still moving inside all the while.

It was weird; he’d slept with strangers before, he’d slept with friends before but Minhyuk was tender. There were moments in which it really felt like he was adored, something he hadn’t felt with anyone before. He wondered, was it like this for everyone that slept with Minhyuk, or was he special? He shook the thought away immediately, realising that it was idiotic and overly hopeful and tuned into the sensations his body was receiving instead.

“ _Minhyuk_ ,” he whined, almost begging when Minhyuk curled his fingers, making him arch his back. He could feel his body trembling, whimpers falling out from his parted lips. “’S’not enough. I need more. Want you to — ah, please fuck me, babe.” 

Minhyuk ran his hand along Jooheon’s side, down to his crotch and wrapped his hand around him, stroking his length until Jooheon was a whimpering mess, desperate and needy. Minhyuk pulled his fingers out only when the stimulation was enough that Jooheon’s arms began to shake, hands pressed into the mattress, fingers digging into the sheet under them.

He let out something between a yelp and a moan when Minhyuk’s hand crashed against his left ass cheek, leaving a faint burning sensation. “Turn around, baby,” he ordered, tapping his ass again once more, softer this time. “I want to see your face when I fuck you." 

Jooheon turned, sitting up, eyes locked with Minhyuk’s, chest heaving desperate breaths. Face-to-face, it always felt more intimate, like there could be something more lingering behind those Bambi eyes that bore into him, that if the timing had been different, they’d be in love. It’s a dangerous game to play when you are, in fact, in love and he’d have been a million times safer keeping on all fours.

Minhyuk pushed a hand against Jooheon’s chest, pressing him down onto the mattress. He aligned himself with Jooheon’s rim, teasing the head of his cock up against it and pushing in so slowly it was almost torturous. 

It had been a while since Jooheon had last gotten fucked and the vague burn on top of the fact it was Minhyuk left him feeling lightheaded. The elder dragged his finger across Jooheon lower lip — which was caught between his teeth — forcing him to lessen the grip, urging Jooheon to take the digit into his mouth. He sucked on it sloppily, tongue swirling around it while Minhyuk remained stagnant, waiting for Jooheon’s body to fully adjust. Minhyuk looked at him in awe, the way he sucked on his fingers as though it was a fucking lolly made him feel a certain way. It was when Jooheon groaned, the vibrations rolling up the models hand that the retrieved the digits, pulling them out as if he'd been burnt. 

“ _Shit_ ,” Jooheon sighed when Minhyuk moved the hand from his face, content at the feeling of Minhyuk’s hips pressed flush against him. He felt so full, Minhyuk hot and hard inside him. “Please move. Fuck, I _need_ —“ 

He doesn’t even get the sentence out fully because Minhyuk doesn’t waste another second, pulling back and then snapping his hips back forward, forcing a choked cry out of Jooheon. The movement of his hips are slow and steady, not at all what Jooheon expected of him, and it felt amazing — the noises he was making proved that much — but he wanted it rougher; he couldn’t handle anything that even remotely resembled intimacy, and slow sex face-to-face somehow felt that way to him.

“You look so pretty like this. You’re taking me so well, honeybee,” Minhyuk purred, watching the way he glided in and out of the other, tuning his hearing into the little cries that Jooheon was letting out in pleasure. “Does it feel okay?” 

“It feels good,” Jooheon whimpered, in response, voice breathy and higher than usual. And it was good, except Minhyuk fucked him like he loved him and Jooheon was too gullible for his own good, traitorous heart thumping harshly in his chest. Minhyuk stared at him like he was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen at it was too much, it had been bad enough on other occasions, but now he realised he was in love and it was killing him. “ _Please_ ,” he gasped; he didn’t know what he was begging for, it might’ve been for him to move faster or it might’ve been for him to stop stealing all the air from air from his lungs. “It’s too much.”

He hadn’t even realised he’d vocalised the last sentence until Minhyuk stilled, leaning forward and running his fingers through Jooheon sweaty hair then stroking his thumb over his cheek with a look of worry written on his face. “Is it uncomfortable, baby? Does it hurt?” 

“No. No, keep going, please. I’m fine,” he urged, desperation leaking through his words and he pushed back against Minhyuk, silently asking him to fucking move. “Babe, come on. _Minhyuk_ , please,” and he sounds pathetic, but he needed more, more than this slow, languid movement; it needed to feel like he was being used and apparently, that pitiful begging was enough for Minhyuk to get the memo, the model finally taking mercy on him. 

He pulled Jooheon up onto his lap, thrusting up into him with more vigour, hands pulling his ass cheeks apart as he changed the angle of his hips. The new angle was the right one because the tip of Minhyuk’s cock is hitting right against his prostate, causing his frame to jerk in his arms with a sharp cry which progressed into a series of high pitched curses and Minhyuk's name tumbling of his tongue over and over. 

When Jooheon was quivering in his arms from the repetitive hitting against his prostate, he moved his hips again, wanting it to last a little longer. Minhyuk held Jooheon’s hips, stilling him as he fucked into him deeper, harder, Jooheon’s voice echoing throughout the room as he honed his senses in on the feeling of Minhyuk’s cock sweeping against his walls. 

“You’re the prettiest, Jooheonie. Even the sounds you make are pretty,” Minhyuk whispered, voice rougher than normal. “You feel so good. You’re perfect, baby. Is it good? How good am I making you feel, honey?”

Jooheon felt his face flush, the exertion and Minhyuk’s words — Minhyuk's _everything_ — burning him from the inside out. Minhyuk matched his strokes on Jooheon’s slick cock with the rhythm of his thrusting. The feeling he got from Minhyuk’s hand around his length and his cock filling him up, dipping in and out of him, was almost to take. He let his head fall onto Minhyuk’s shoulder, eyes tightly shut, gasping moans falling from his lips, the sounds more and more audible with each movement.

“’S’good,” Jooheon’s words slurred together, mixed together with the moans he was emitting. Minhyuk angled his hips again, hitting him in the right spot again and again, and Jooheon panting his name like it’s all that is left in his head and to be honest, it is. Every single part of him — physically and mentally — is filled with nothing but Minhyuk. “Fuck.  _S’so good_ , ‘hyuk.”

Words of praise fell from Minhyuk’s mouth, sometimes merely telling him he was taking his cock so well, other times lewd, filthy comments replaced the softer sentiments. He gripped Minhyuk, bouncing on his cock in sync with Minhyuk’s thrusts both in him and on him. The hand gripping his iliac crest felt like it might’ve had nail prints embedded but he didn’t mind, too blissed out to feel it much at all.

“ _Minhyuk_ ,” he panted through a breathy whine, struggling to speak, body and mind overwhelmed. “I’m— I’m close.” 

Moving his hand from his hip, Minhyuk caught his jaw, rough, lifting it from his shoulder, kissing him harshly and aggressively. It lasted all but a few seconds, then Minhyuk pressed his lips under his ear, sucking and biting at the skin, Jooheon trembling. 

“Cum then, baby boy,” Minhyuk said into his skin, kissing a trail from the bite to his shoulder. “Show me how good it feels, how _desperate_ you’ve been to have someone inside you.”

That was all he needed to come completely undone. He whimpered and gasped as he released into Minhyuk’s hand, painting both of their stomachs with splutters of white. Minhyuk stroked him through his aftershocks and then let him go, both hands returning to grip at his hips, fucking into hard and fast, his entire body quaking and trembling. It was good, shit it felt amazing, but his body felt tortured, unable to do anything other than quiver as he pounded him. 

It wasn’t long until Minhyuk found his release, biting hard into Jooheon’s shoulder, tears pricking at the corner of the younger’s eyes as his walls clenched tight around Minhyuk, swallowing around his cock.

Minhyuk was still inside him when Jooheon, exhausted and breathless, allowed his body to fall against him. The exhaustion that hit was like a wave crashing and he easily could’ve fallen asleep in Minhyuk’s arms, just like that.

“You've done so good, baby,” Minhyuk murmured into his skin, combing his fingers through his hair. Jooheon had become so accustomed to him doing that already that it relaxed his entire being. He smiled against Minhyuk’s shoulder, content at the praise and how sated his voice sounded. It made him feel like he’d achieved something, somehow. “I’ll get something to clean up, alright? You can sleep.”

“Mm,” Jooheon nodded against him, a slight feeling of emptiness hitting when Minhyuk removed him from his lap. He wanted to stay awake, talk to him, but he was exhausted, and sober him still might not be ready, he figured. Not to mention, could barely even think, let alone structure a sentence.

The last thing Jooheon remembered before everything faded out was a cloth against his skin, followed by soft breathing beside him and what might’ve been a touch or kiss placed against his shoulder-blade. He might’ve whispered an ‘I missed you’ in his sleep to the man cleaning the dried cum from his body, but he wasn't sure. All he knew for definite was that falling asleep knowing Minhyuk was there next to him gave him more comfort than he’d felt any night in the past month.

—

When Jooheon woke up, he spent at least five minutes trying to decipher where he was, what he’d done and whose bed he was in. It, of course, as it does, hit him like a ton of bricks once his sluggish mind had cleared and he felt the panic wash over him. He’d hoped it was a dream, something his subconscious had thought up, but the ache in his muscles was evidence enough that it was a definitive reality.

He sat up, face buried in his palms as he tried to regulate his breathing and suppress the tears that were threatening to spill. Why was he such an idiot? He allowed his emotions to get the better of him, and now look where he was. Alone in someone else’s bed after hooking up with the person he’d been avoiding because he was in love with him; it was like something from his fucking nightmares. 

Unlocking his phone, desperate to feel less alone, he was bombarded with a flurry of texts from Changkyun from the night before.

**Changkyun [02:01]:**

_Where are you?_

**Changkyun [02:01]:**

_You said you would wait here so why can’t I find you?_

**Changkyun [02:01]:**

_God, I’m supposed to be high from post-orgasm bliss but here I am stressed over your wellbeing. Can you please give me a signal that you’re alive, please?_

**Changkyun [02:05]:**

_Never mind. I just saw Minhyuk with a washcloth in his hand and asked if he’d seen you._

**Changkyun [02:06]:**

_Why, of all the people, would you sleep with the person you’re in love with… you’re the most stressful thing in my life right now, Lee Jooheon. I hope you repent for your sins._

**Changkyun [02:09]:**

_Also, I love you, I hope you don’t feel too bad when you wake up! It has happened to most of us at least once, don’t stress._

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. He did his best to keep as calm as possible and to keep down the sickness — unfortunately not induced by the alcohol but instead by something worse; guilt — from rising any further up his stomach. He wondered, had Minhyuk stayed the night with him or had he left once Jooheon dozed off feeling as disappointed in himself as Jooheon felt right now?

**Jooheon [09:53]:**

_Are you still here or did you go home?_

**Changkyun [09:55]:**

_Downstairs. Want me to come up? I thought you might’ve needed moral support in the morning._

**Jooheon [09:55]:**

_Yeah._

The knock on the door came no more than three minutes after the last text was sent, Jooheon clambering out of the bed — a bed he still didn’t know the owner of — and opening the door to meet his best friend.

“I’m dumb, I know,” was the first thing he said when he saw Changkyun’s face. The younger, instead of retorting, just pulled him into an embrace, reminding him that it was okay. That he was there for him. “I can’t even remember how it happened, all I know is that I definitely instigated it. I remember that much. I wanted it. _God_ , drunk Jooheon’s a fucking dick, isn’t he?” 

“Drunk Jooheon wants what he wants. Not much you can do about that,” Changkyun smiled empathetically in response, hand rubbing Jooheon’s back soothingly. “How’re you feeling, though?” 

“I’m just annoyed,” he sighed, his voice cracking. He was infuriated and upset, but only with himself. “I wanted to get over this so he and I could be friends again. I didn’t want to add another bump in the road because I know he needs someone, probably, so I’m just irritated at myself for doing this again.”

Changkyun nodded compassionately, understanding. “Was the sex good at least?”

“ _Really?_ That’s your burning question?” Jooheon tutted. He shouldn’t have been surprised really, this was Changkyun he was talking to. “Sure. Yeah. He’s... he knows what he’s doing.”

“I’d be concerned if he didn’t. He doesn’t get shit talked behind his back for no reason,” Changkyun pointed out, a smirk adorning his features. “On another note, this morning before he left, he sat and spoke with Ki and I for a bit. He remembered me asking where you were apparently and it turns out, he and Kihyun get along great. I was mildly surprised.” 

“Really? That’s good. Maybe they’ll become friends, then. It would suck to feel as segregated from people as he does, given how easy going and sociable he is, you know?” Jooheon rambled, Changkyun’s features softening at the obvious worry and care underlying Jooheon’s words. Cute. “Speaking of you and Kihyun… does he really think I don’t know he’s been fucking you?” 

Changkyun shrugged, lips pursed. “He’s more private about his sex life than me, I guess? How often do we hear him confessing to anyone he’s slept with?” 

“Valid point,” Jooheon acknowledged; he kept his affairs somewhat more private than the rest of them. “Did, uh… did Minhyuk leave after… or did he stay… with me…” Jooheon trailed awkwardly, fumbling over his words, scratching at the base of his neck in embarrassment. God, he was such a child. Why did that even matter? “Actually, never mind. Forget I asked.”

“No, he did stay. He didn’t leave until this morning. Said he had work with the babies or something so he had to go home and shower and shit like that,” Changkyun answered, ignoring Jooheon. He let out a mumble, noting that he’d heard, but hearing he’d stayed… it made him feel tingly inside for some reason. “You should talk to Hyunwoo soon, Jooheon. He’s really worried about you.” 

“Yeah,” Jooheon agreed, semi-blank. It made him anxious, but he couldn’t avoid him forever; he was losing money by not going to work all because he was avoiding Hyunwoo. “I think… I’ll go home today.”

“Really?” Changkyun beamed, relief washing over him. “Thank god. You look like you’re about to throw up thinking about it though. It’ll be fine, Jooheon. He’ll just be glad you’re home.” 

“Yeah. Hopefully.”

—

Jooheon lost count of the amount of times he had to run to the toilet, positive that he was going to vomit but instead each time he would up dry heaving over the ceramic bowl, tears streaming down his cheeks but the contents of his stomach remaining untouched, leaving him with an odious feeling in his gut, like someone had taken a wooden spoon and began churning his insides around and around at an alarming speed. It had been so long since he'd stepped foot in his home that the entire thing felt surreal; abnormal like he was trespassing on somebody else's property.

After leaving Changkyun, Jooheon had gone straight to the apartment, knowing that if he postponed it, the moment would pass and he'd return to being a hermit, relying on the goodwill of his overly bounteous friends to keep him afloat, too terrified to face reality. Of course, he’d forgotten, due to neglecting his own work lately, that Hyunwoo spent long shifts in the office and so he’d spent hours upon hours staring at a blank wall, hoping that the erratic beating in his chest would settle and that the sickness would dissipate.

It didn’t. It was only exacerbated when Jooheon heard the click of his apartment door being opened, ultimately leading him to a conclusion ten minutes too late: that he wasn't, nor would he ever be ready to do this, what the fuck had he been thinking? He should’ve just invested in a house overseas, his English was decent enough. He could’ve survived there, this, on the other hand, might be how he meets his demise.

One step. Two step. Three step. Every nanosecond was torturous; it was like knowing there was a burglar in your own home and being completely powerless, unable to do a single thing about it.

“Oh,” Hyunwoo let out the sound in astonishment, gaze akin to that of a rabbit caught in headlights. “Jooheon. You’re back? Are you okay, did something happen?”

The look of concern amalgamated with relief washing across his often hard-to-read expression made Jooheon feel horrendous, the fact that he’d make someone he cared about so much feel anything other than secure made a lump form in his throat.

“I’m back,” Jooheon repeated, voice thick. He had trouble getting the words out, each syllable choked by the sobs his throat was suppressing. “I need to talk to you about something. Do you have time just now?”

"Sure," Hyunwoo said, sitting down beside him. "What is it?" 

“Um, I—,” he hesitated, struggling. How was he supposed to vocalise what had gone on? “The reason I went awol the past month was that I needed some space,” he began, unable to raise his head, intently focused on the fabric covering his thighs. “I should’ve faced up to the situation sooner, but I was scared that our dynamic would change, but… I slept with Minhyuk and I feel awful about it. I’m so, so sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Seriously,” Hyunwoo sighed, startling Jooheon. “Is that it? _God_ , Jooheon. I don’t care about that. Did you really think I would? I’ve been so worried about you. I didn’t know what was going on at all. Is that what all this has been about? You sleeping with Minhyuk?”

Jooheon nodded, biting his inner cheek. He could feel a glaze coating his vision. He didn’t know if the fact that Hyunwoo was so understanding was had positive or negative impact right now; it might’ve been easier on him if he’d got yelled at, been told that he was a vile human being, but instead he was showered with doting affection. He knew that Hyunwoo wasn’t the sort to be easily angered, but even so, he would’ve deserved it in this situation, he thought.

“Idiot,” Hyunwoo smirked, ruffling his hair and squeezing the arm that was placed around his shoulder tighter, pulling him in close. “I had no idea what was going on, it was like your coming out crisis all over again but we’ve already been through that, so I was at a loss.”

"I'm sorry," Jooheon apologised, voice weak but sincere. "I'm in love with him."

“In love with who?” Hyunwoo asked, confused.

“Minhyuk,” Jooheon let out an awkward chuckle at Hyunwoo’s slowness when it came to topics regarding relationships. It was adorable. “Who else would I be referring to in this situation? I won’t tell him, don’t worry. If you want to keep sleeping with him it’s fine but… maybe could you do it at his place? It’s… yeah.”

Hyunwoo pulled his brows together, looking perplexed by the fact Jooheon would even suggest such a thing. "I haven't seen or slept with Minhyuk in three weeks, Jooheon. He stopped coming around not long after you fled the scene," Hyunwoo said, not even so much as flinching at Jooheon's declaration of love for his friend. "Also, I would never sleep with someone that you had feelings for, Jooheon, getting my dick wet isn't so important that I'd compromise our relationship."

"You're not even remotely irritated by any of this?" Jooheon checked, mystified by the calmness of the other.

“I’m not,” he stated, determined, still semi-hugging Jooheon with one arm. “I’ve never had feelings for Minhyuk and he doesn’t have feelings for me. Why would I be irritated? I love both of you. I just want you both to be happy — together, apart, whatever — that’s most important to me.”

“But won’t it be weird?” he muttered, an awkwardness lingering in his words. How could he not find it weird? All Jooheon could think about was the fact he and a person he considered family have been intimate with the same person. “You’ve...  _been_  with him. Then _I..._ doesn’t it make you feel strange?”

“Why would it? It’s not like we’re fucking each other, Jooheon. People have sexual histories at our age, it is what it is. Don’t overthink it,” Hyunwoo laughed, squeezing him again. Jooheon lucked out by gaining Hyunwoo as a sibling, he decided. “You’ve slept with Changkyun.”

“Everyone’s been intimate with Changkyun,” Jooheon pointed out, pouting.

“ _Exactly_.”

Oh. 

“ _Well then,_ ” he cleared his throat. “I guess there’s that, huh.”

—

It seemed like his finger had hovered over Minhyuk's contact information in his name consistently over the past three days. It was evident that he desired the other to consume all his senses - he wanted to hear him talk, he wanted to see his otherworldly features, he wanted to inhale his scent - however, taking the plunge and taking action was a lot harder than it seemed when you were the definition of a nervous wreck.

Had Kihyun not have called him about Minhyuk, nagging him to do something as per usual (despite being in no place to do so given his circumstances with Changkyun) he might never have decided when to take hold of the situation and progress forward with actually pressing his thumb on the name displayed across his screen, but post pep talk, he felt invigorated - albeit still on edge - and decided that there was no time like the present, right?

The dial tone seemed prolonged, like a never-ending tunnel that you just want to escape, but when he heard the ' _hello?_ ' come from the other end, it felt too soon he realised he hadn't prepared what he wanted to say even in the slightest.

“ _Hey,_ ” Jooheon stumbled down the receiver, voice coming out strained, stifled by nerves. “ _I— um, shit. I don’t even correct phone call etiquette prepared, but are you maybe free later?_ ”

“ _I think so. I can make time for you, if you_ _want me to. Did you want to come over?_ ” Minhyuk enquired like nothing unusual had happened between them, there wasn’t even so much as a trace of anxiety in his tone and it made Jooheon feel ridiculously awkward; was all this only a big deal to him? Embarrassing. “ _I can text the address if you want._ ”

“ _Come over? To your house?_ ” Jooheon asked, dumbfounded. For one, he hadn’t ever been to his house, secondly, other than their drunken fumble the other night, Jooheon had been avoiding him like the plague and he knew that Minhyuk was fully aware of that.

“ _Well, isn’t it more convenient than your place?_ ” the model questioned, sounding very matter-of-fact. Perhaps he had a point, but nonetheless, it felt foreign and almost unacceptable, given the circumstances. “ _Or, did you have somewhere more specific in mind?_ ”

“ _I— uh, well,_ ” Jooheon murmured, at a loss.

Minhyuk scoffed in amusement down the line and Jooheon could distinguish the model rolling his eyes at him through that alone. “ _I’ll text you the address, honey._ ”

“ _Wait,_ ” he scrambled, pleading for him not to hang up quite yet. “ _I mean, text me the address, but—_ “ he faltered, unsure whether or not to proceed. The notion that he’d read Minhyuk all wrong was conceivable after all. “ _You’re not upset with me?_ ”

The line went silent, but he could still hear the other’s breathing, his movements. He was still there, but his voice was not and it was hard to discern what someone was thinking over the phone when facial expressions weren’t available to be read freely.

“ _I don’t have any right to be upset,_ ” were the words he settled on when his voice eventually came. “ _I have to go. I’ll text you the address, alright? You can come over any time after six._ ”

Jooheon was going to elaborate, state that he had _every_ right since he’d acted like the epitome of a dickhead, but he didn’t have the chance because he was met with the silence of the line going dead.

—

The evening had settled in and the streets were filled with the humming of engines buzzing as people tried to get home in the midst of rush-hour, pedestrians — much like Jooheon — scuttled along the sidewalk, not looking where they were going, too focused on their mobile phone in front of them. Jooheon wasn’t usually one of those people, he liked to take in the scenery, the way shadows stretched into long gangly figures as night faded into day, and the way the buildings changed as you moved from one street to another, but he didn’t have much opportunity to observe today, not when he was relying on his iPhone to guide him to the address Minhyuk had supplied him with.

It felt like his legs had been going for hours, the walk was tedious and mundane and his chest was incarcerated by an overwhelming amount of anxiety, but somehow when his phone called out the usual ‘ _arrived at destination_ ’, it felt like he’d arrived too soon; he needed more time to think, to figure out what it was he wanted from all this.

Unfortunately, time was the one thing he didn’t have; he couldn’t loiter around and figure things out, he’d look like a creep and to top it off, this didn’t look like the nicest area he’d ever been in his life. In fact, Jooheon being the nervous wreck he is would generally avoid walking here in the dark — that was how unsettled it made him feel.

The apartment block that towered in front of him had zero resemblance to his own; the exterior was old and dingy, cracks disfiguring the external walls which Jooheon assumed were once white but had now transformed into a murky grey; it looked like something you’d find in a horror movie on a street that resembled one you’d find in some documentary about murders or drug addicts — in simpler terms, it was everything Jooheon would prefer to avoid if at all possible, but terrifying exterior aside, he didn’t have much choice because he knew behind all that, the human embodiment of an angel existed.

Much to his dismay, the inside of the building as he trudged up the stairs, wasn’t much better. It was uninviting and cold, dodgy concrete steps and discoloured walls were more or less all there was to it inside, except for the doors that were spread along the corridors. It left him feeling perturbed — as if he didn’t have enough anxiety to deal with already.

Then he found the door, knocking on it thrice as he suppressed the urge to run away the moment his fist smacked against the wooden surface.

When he answered the door, it felt like his insides were corroding at the sight of him, transforming into pure liquid; he was melting, but his heart clenched with uneasiness. He’d thought about what he wanted to say, but not how he wanted to say it. Was there a particular etiquette when it came to confessing? He wasn’t sure, it wasn’t something he’d obtained much experience in before. Well, first and foremost, he needed to apologise.

He parted his lips to speak, wanting to elucidate how dreadful he’d felt about abandoning him like that, explain how his heart and mind had been shrouded in guilt since the moment he stepped foot outside of his apartment that morning. Except, he wasn’t quite able to get the words out because Minhyuk acted how Minhyuk wanted to and he didn’t seem enthusiastic about holding a conversation right now, instead he seemed more preoccupied with leading Jooheon further into the apartment, clasping their hands together and tugging him behind him wordlessly.

_ Also, who the fuck answers the door in nothing but boxers and knee-high socks and doesn’t even exchange a single word with their visitor? _

Jooheon had encountered a lot of people in the span of his life, but he’d never known anyone quite like the model; he was a puzzle, and not one Jooheon had any forte in figuring out by the looks of it.

“Where are you dragging me?” he asked, timid and bemused. The perplexed expression drawn on his face was there for all to read, unable to hide the confusion that had swallowed him up.

The apartment in comparison to he and Hyunwoo’s, was minuscule. The furniture looked old, as though it had several owners before the model and nothing looked like it’d be particularly comfortable to rest on. It wasn’t what he’d anticipated, but it was habitable. Jooheon wasn’t ignorant to the fact that he’d grown up with the privilege of money and he knew things that were easily accessible to him, wasn’t to everyone but even so, it irked him because Minhyuk deserved more than a rundown, dingy apartment but the world didn’t play fair, he supposed.

He pushed open a door, still pulling Jooheon along like a puppy on its first walk, explaining nothing. It was a bedroom — an extremely basic one, nothing more than a bed and a wardrobe to be found within its confines, but a bedroom nonetheless — and Jooheon felt the sudden tingle of nerves prick in his chest.

_ What the fuck is happening? _

“Here,” Minhyuk eventually answered his question, a little too late. The model pressed his hands against Jooheon’s chest, tenderly pushing him back toward the mattress and he was hopeless because he wanted to talk, but whenever Minhyuk touched him, his words were lost and he became so, so pliant, like putty in the elder's hands. “I didn’t expect you to call me, to be honest. I was taken aback when I saw your name on the screen,” he explained, knees pressed into the mattress either side of Jooheon’s hips. “You look nervous, honey. It’s fine, I’ll lead. I kinda figured this wasn’t something you dabble in much. Is it okay if I kiss you?”

Truth be told, Jooheon had absolutely no idea what Minhyuk was talking about. What didn’t he dabble in? Regardless, he felt himself nod, words failing him again, the anxiety from earlier combined with the confusion and excitement that had succumb him taking over his senses, rendering him helpless.

It was like whenever their lips met, Jooheon found what he’d lost, without knowing he’d lost anything at all, everything suddenly fitting together in the way it was meant. It was a lustful clashing of tongues, not even  comparable to romantic, but it ignited him; his insides were the forest and Minhyuk set him ablaze, destroying everything inside of him, turning him into a withering mess.

“You make no sense,” he breathed out, his judgement already clouded.

“Says the vanishing act,” Minhyuk scoffed, resting his head in the crook of Jooheon’s neck, proceeding to suck languidly at the exposed skin, tongue tracing and trailing tantalisingly against him.

“Yeah, I- fuck, I wanted to apologise for that,” Jooheon tried, the sounds trying to free themselves from his mouth making it challenging to speak. “I didn’t… it was shitty of me. I’m sorry, I should’ve responded to your texts at the very least. I fucked up and you didn't deserve that. I'm sorry.”

“Mhm,” he agreed, the vibrations buzzing against his neck, making him shudder. “It _was_ shitty. I had no idea what I’d done wrong and then when you basically begged me to fuck you the other night? You’re infuriating, Jooheon, but it’s fine. Apology accepted, passed is past and to be honest, I’d really rather kiss you than question anything right now.”

Minhyuk’s breath ghosted over his lips, one palm placed against his cheek and the other laced in his locks, Jooheon’s senses heightened due to him shutting his vision off to tune into the way he felt and the way Minhyuk reacted; he wanted to be engulfed by the other.

Their lips clashed together with Minhyuk almost fully atop of Jooheon, their bodies pressed flush together, the elder holding himself up only as much as necessary, Jooheon whimpering into the kiss when their tongues found one another. It felt like he’d turned into a human kettle, the steam literally pouring from him.

Jooheon wrapped his arms around Minhyuk’s waist, pulling him as close as they could get, little gasps from his mouth falling into the kiss as his breathing became irregular. He wanted him closer, closer, closer, to melt together but they couldn’t get much closer without destroying the kiss, so instead, he jerked his hips upwards, the friction enough to make them both moan in response, Minhyuk pulling away from the kiss breathlessly.

The elder ground against his, hips rolling fluidly as his teeth nipped at Jooheon’s lobe. How this was what the ‘visit’ had turned into, Jooheon had no idea but god, he couldn’t find it in himself to complain because honestly, he didn’t care, not right now.

“You’re so sensitive. I barely have to touch you and you react,” Minhyuk cooed over him, slipping his hand under Jooheon’s shirt, deftly tweaking a nipple, pinching and rolling the nub between his fingers and Jooheon felt the shudder of pleasure quake over his entire body, his hips still grinding in sync with the model. “I thought it might’ve just been because you don’t sleep around as much but we had sex less than a week ago and you’re reacting the same.”

Minhyuk’s hips halted, hand sliding between them as he swiftly unbuttoned Jooheon’s jeans, pulling at them, as much as he could until the point came where Jooheon had to assist, wriggling out of them.

“You’re okay with this? It’s not going to give you trauma like last time and make you go into hiding or something?” Minhyuk said, and while he was semi-kidding, the slight hint of bitterness was audible, Jooheon’s ear somehow picking it up with ease.

“I’m fine, the question is, are  _you?_ ” Jooheon asked, doing his best to remain composed which was when one was evidently straining against their boxers, not the easiest. “If you’re pissed off at me, I get it, don’t force yourself to fuck me if you’re that bitter over it, Minhyuk. I tried to apologise, didn’t I? That was what I came here to do in the first place.”

“I’m not bitter about it,” he stated, his hand ghosting over Jooheon’s erection immediately after he’d gotten full consent, even despite the other’s outburst.

“Could’ve fooled me,” Jooheon sighed under his breath, mind and body fighting one another; he wanted to be touched, to be taken by the other, but he also didn’t want sex that was going to be filled with negative undertones (unless it was reconciliation sex, which this was not) especially if this did end up being their last encounter. He was conflicted.

“Jooheon, I don’t know what it is that you want from me,” the model responded, hand still stroking Jooheon as he spoke — a little unfitting given his words, but nonetheless — making it harder to think.

“Just… oh my _god_ , just fuck me, alright?” Jooheon groaned, throwing his head back when Minhyuk dug his finger across the slit before rolling his hand back down his length. “I just… want you.”

When he was this sensitive, it was clear who’d win over body and mind, the sensations he was experiencing driving his rational thoughts into the abyss.

He nodded, removing Jooheon’s final article of clothing and proceeded to litter Jooheon’s inner thighs with biting kisses, sucking on multiple sections before slipping his tongue out and drawing it from the base of Jooheon’s cock to the crown, the younger heavy with arousal already as the elder submerged it into his mouth. Jooheon felt something warm build up in his crotch and bit back a soft moan as Minhyuk worked him with his lips, tonguing his slit mercilessly, stroking one hand along with his mouth, collecting the dribbling spit and precum before slipping it down to finger Jooheon.

“ _Shit_ ,” Jooheon choked out when Minhyuk crooked a finger, brushing teasingly against his prostate, sending a jolt of ricochetting pleasure up his spine. “Minhyuk,” he whimpered; the older of the two had been right — he was sensitive, and he was pretty sure he was even more so today than usual. “Stop, I’ll cum like that,” he gasped, hips jerking sharply as Minhyuk continued swiping and the tip of his cock with his tongue despite his pleas. He showed no sign of stopping, instead pushing his head further down until the tip of Jooheon’s dick hit the back of his throat as he began humming around the length.

He climaxed too quickly, Minhyuk’s lips still tight around his cock as the model’s name fell from Jooheon’s mouth like a prayer, breathing laboured. He released him a few moments later, fingers still working inside him, his body even more sensitive than it had been initially, which was surprisingly possible.

“Look how good you are,” Minhyuk praised him, using his thumb to catch the spit and cum concoction that had dripped down Jooheon’s lip when he pulled out before inserting the finger into Jooheon’s mouth, the younger’s lips wrapping around the digit and tongue rolling over it instinctively whilst Minhyuk’s other hand continued working his ass. “Does it feel nice?”

Jooheon nodded, unable to talk without becoming a slobbery mess given when Minhyuk’s thumb was still inserted into his mouth. Anything in his mouth was a sure way to make him act ridiculously submissive, he’d learnt that one a long time ago.

“You’re so pretty, it’s killing me,” Minhyuk purred, removing his thumb from Jooheon’s lips with a ‘pop’. “Think you’re ready, baby?” Minhyuk asked, sliding his fingers out and then pushing them back in as if to show Jooheon how well his body had adapted to him, not to mention every single time he withdrew his fingers, they were brushing across his prostate making Jooheon a writhing, whimpering mess, still oversensitive from climaxing before. “Let me get the lube, two seconds.”

The cold shiver that crossed him at not only the sudden emptiness inside but also at Minhyuk not hovering over him was immense. Of course, the fact that he wanted him either in him or next to him constantly was ridiculous, but it couldn’t be helped.

“Want me to finger you with this, too?” Minhyuk asked when he came back, waving the translucent liquid filled bottle in front of Jooheon’s face. “You seemed alright, but I don’t want it to be uncomfortable for you.”

“’S’fine. I did it to myself earlier, so…” it had been much, much earlier in the day — more like the earlier hours, before he’d fallen into a slumber last night, the time when he was haunted by the sounds the escaped from Minhyuk filling his mind and could do nothing other than touch himself or hop in a cold shower. Obviously, he’d opted for the former. “I’m good, really. I’ll tell you if it hurts.”

“Alright baby,” he nodded, opening the condom and rolling it on with ease. “Turn. You can grab the headboard, I want to fuck you from behind.”

Jooheon complied, turning around. It was easier this way for him too, it meant he could avoid Minhyuk’s stupidly intense eye contact.

His breathing hitched when he felt Minhyuk align with his entrance, tensing slightly before relaxing thanks to the hindered ability to sense what he was doing without being able to see. He pushed in tortuously slow, an arm encircled around Jooheon’s waist and lips pressed against his shoulder, sucking and nipping at the skin.

“Oh my  _god_ ,” Jooheon cried out, voice bliss filled and an octave higher than usual. He didn’t know why he was so fucking sensitive whenever he slept with Minhyuk, but the feeling of him fucking into him like that was intense and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to fuck anyone else and feel this good ever again. “ _You_ — I — _fuck_.”

“I know, baby,” Minhyuk respired, running his hand down Jooheon’s spine, touch so delicate, leaving Jooheon completely unprepared from the whip of Minhyuk’s hand that came crashing down on his ass cheek seconds later, the stinging sensation impelling pleasure through him as he whined at the contact. “You feel so good. You’re always so good for me, honey. My baby. You’re doing so,  _so_  well.”

Jooheon luxuriated in the praise, the words sending as much arousal through him as the feeling of Minhyuk’s hand coming back down against his ass did, the sound reverberating throughout the room.

“It’s like your ass was made for my dick,” Minhyuk gasped, lips back against Jooheon’s skin as he picked up the pace.

The model removed the arm supporting Jooheon’s waist, digging both hands into his hips as he fucks into him harder, less languidly than before, thrusts harsh and heavy. Jooheon did his best to snap his hips back to meet his movements, but he was a whimpering mess, legs already shaking from his own reactivity.

He stretched his arm under him, wrapping his fingers around his hardening cock, still overly sensitive from his previous orgasm. He tugged at the shaft, hard and needy, hand trying to keep up with Minhyuk’s erratic thrusting.

“Minhyuk,  _please_ , fuck,” he didn’t know what he was begging for, or why he was begging for it, but it was what fell out of his gaping mouth, breathless and needy.

Jooheon removed his hands from the headboard, pushing his back into Minhyuk’s chest as he moved against him, the older using the opportunity to tangle his fingers in Jooheon’s hair and lull his neck to the side, fully exposing the skin for him to suck on.

“Your body really feels amazing, bumblebee,” Minhyuk murmured against his skin, breathing compromised as he neared his own climax. “You’re like a fantasy from my wet dreams.”

His body was quivering as the model relentlessly smacked against his prostate, hitting it like it was a fucking drum, over and over, Jooheon’s mewling filling the entire room. Minhyuk allowed his body to fall back, Jooheon falling back with him so that he was fucking into him while the younger was sat in his lap, noticing he was struggling to stay upright.

His lips were still attacking his neck as he bucked his hips upward, angling himself perfectly, Jooheon’s whimpers evolving into something more akin to screams.

“You gonna cum, baby boy?” Minhyuk asked, hand wrapping around Jooheon’s cock, falling atop of Jooheon’s own hand that continued tugging. “Wanna try cumming together, pretty? Think you can do that for me?”

“Mhm,” Jooheon snivelled, leaning back so his head fell against Minhyuk’s shoulder. He didn’t think he would have it in him to cum twice, but his cock was throbbing as though his earlier release had been all but a figment of his imagination.

“Good boy,” Minhyuk whispered against the shell of his ear. “You’re so beautiful, honey. I could look at you like this, blissed out on my cock forever.”

The thrusts came with pounding intensity now and combined with the frantic tugging at his cock, it all became overwhelming, body rocking through earthquakes of sensitivity as he neared his limit.

“I’m gonna cum,” he choked out, panting as though he’d run a marathon.

Minhyuk favoured him with a final punching thrust, riding Jooheon to his second climax that evening; he felt himself clench tight around him, gripping his cock tight within, Minhyuk buried deep inside up as he spilled his own release inside Jooheon.

Jooheon went limp against Minhyuk’s body, the older pulling out of him and slipping the condom off before wrapping his arms around Jooheon’s waist from behind. He could feel something bubbling in his chest like he was on the verge of tears.

“I  _love you,_ Minhyuk,” it was out before he noticed, the words falling out softly, but it sounded pained, he could even hear how heart-wrenching the words sounded himself.

He felt Minhyuk tense up, likely as startled as he was by the whispered confession in his ears; he could picture the other’s expression, lip pulling tight between his teeth, body upright with discomfort.

He could feel his vision blurring and he was thankful that desire the fact he’d been met with silence, he was still being held; he might’ve died if he had to look Minhyuk in the face right now.

“C’mon, let’s clean up,” he said after a few minutes, the confession blowing over him like a feather in the wind. Like it was nothing. He stood up, leaving Jooheon naked and cross-legged on the mattress, eyes still watering. “Hey. Why are you crying?”

Jooheon shot him a glare in response. Was he fucking dense or just cruel?

The model crouched down in front of him, hand cupping his cheek as he collected the stay droplets with his thumb. Jooheon wanted to push him away, tell him he didn’t need his pity and that he was fine, but it was so comforting; the other’s touch was like a lullaby to him, soothing his aching soul.

“I love you,” he repeated, keeping his voice as even as he could. “You don’t have to reciprocate but please acknowledge it at least.  _Please_.”

“Jooheon…” Minhyuk exhaled, then proceeding to hold his breath. “Baby, feelings sometimes get muddled up during sex. Your brain is probably jumbled, it happens to the best of us. Let’s get cleaned up and then we can sleep for a bit, alright?”

His anger bubbled up, like food that had been boiling on the stove for too long or like a witches cauldron when an incorrect ingredient had been added into their formula. He could handle being rejected, he was a big boy, but to be treated like his feelings were nothing more than confusion? That was too much.

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he tried to pull himself together; he wasn’t this person, he wasn’t emotional or angry, he was cheerful and done his best to be optimistic, he didn’t want that to change for any boy.

“I’m _not_ in a post-sex haze,” he sighed, voice still wavering with emotion. “I’ll clean up and sleep, but we need to talk about this tomorrow at least. If you’re going to reject me, I want a proper rejection, not some lame excuse like I’m just confused because of sex. You might’ve fucked me well, but you definitely didn’t fuck my brains out.”

“Okay,” he nodded, a soft smile — a little sad and uncomfortable, but nonetheless — adorning his features. “We can talk tomorrow, honeybee.”

The elder led him by the hand to his bathroom, which much like the rest of his home, wasn’t much and cleaned them up, Jooheon still too emotional and numb to deal with it himself. He was at least thankful that he hadn’t been thrown out; that was one positive, he figured.

Minhyuk’s mattress was a million times less comfortable that Changkyun’s sofa bed and Jooheon struggled to figure out how he didn’t have a broken spine, but once the model wrapped his arms around him, he realised that he wouldn’t feel more at ease anywhere else — uncomfortable or not.

—

He woke enveloped in a warm embrace, surrounded by mounds of unfamiliarity; it felt like being lost somewhere incredibly beautiful that warmed you from the inside out and made you feel alive, but knowing that ultimately, it was minacious and foreign and would likely end in catastrophe, as being lost often does. It formed a bubble of trepidation in his chest, the time it took for the veil of sleep to lift from his mind leaving him feeling disorientated. Once he pried open his bleary eyes, he was met with drab decor that was, unfortunately, familiar as his memories began to restore, like a character gaining knowledge in a video game post-battle. There was an arm draped over his torso and a leg hoisted over his hips giving him a sense of deja vu, albeit not the most pleasant sort as realisation began to dawn on his sleepy mind.

The worst part about waking up in such a situation is coming to the realisation that you're going to have to face the consequences of your actions and in Jooheon's current prediciment, the outcome might not necessarily be desirable.

Last night, he'd wanted to talk and this morning, he wanted to do anything but have that conversation, dread crawling over his body like a spider scuttling across his bare flesh.

His breathing changed from the deep inhalations induced by sleep to frantic, panicked breathing. It wasn't something he experienced much, really, but there was a sense of being trapped, the ability to run being taken away from him as he lay in Minhyuk's arm that left him feeling slightly hysterical as he gasped for the air that had been stolen from his lungs. He was scared - scared of ruining things, scared of rejection, scared of being trapped and scared of the unknown and it was too much to handle first thing in the morning.

"Jooheon?" Minhyuk croaked out, voice still lumbered in a thick fog of sleep, but even so, the model still sounded as tentative as ever. "What's the matter, honeybee?"

The palm trailing across his skin was commiserative, conveying the desire to comfort and it worked, at least to some degree; knowing that Minhyuk didn’t feel uncomfortable around him despite last nights incident was at the very least, something.

“It’s nothing,” he mumbled, stiff from the solid mattress he’d spent the night on. “I’m alright. Must’ve been a bad dream or something.”

Minhyuk didn’t say anything, instead running his fingers through Jooheon’s tousled mess; he acted like Jooheon was precious cargo to him and sometimes, it was all a little too domestic for the younger and he didn’t quite know what to do with it.

"Do you have work today?" Jooheon enquired, curious, still not fully conscious thus meaning his filter remained impaired, resulting in him blurting out the first question that came to mind.

"Not until the evening. I have to go over some details regarding an upcoming shoot, so nothing too important," Minhyuk responded, twirling a strand of Jooheon's hair around his finger. "How about you, Jooheonie?"

"I don't really have any set routine," he dismissed, although truth be told, he had a seven foot pile of work he should be catching up on that would prove more usual than thirsting after an unobtainable mans dick, but who asked? "Your bed is uncomfortable, I would literally rather sleep on the floor. Does this even constitute as a mattress?"

"Listen, we're not all rich, some of us have to take what we can get and hope that the long term effects aren't too detrimental," Minhyuk quipped back, amused. Jooheon was more perplexed by how normal the other was acting when last night was going through his mind on loop. “I’ll go make some coffee, okay? My house might not be particularly nice, but my coffee is  _great_ , I promise.”

Jooheon, as usual, took the form of a lost puppy, quickly grabbing his underwear from the heap that had tumbled onto the floor, pulling them on and then traipsed behind Minhyuk, following him as though without him his life had no purpose.

Perhaps the lack of instigation in the conversational department from the model indicated that last night should remain unspoken about, but it was a constant niggle in Jooheon's mind; it was a talk he needed to have and quick or he'd become laden with even more anxiety than he'd been experiencing lately and that was something he'd prefer not to deal with; this amount was hard enough, never mind increasing the volume of it.

“Aren’t we going to address the elephant in the room?” Jooheon asked, unable to bear the uneasiness he was feeling. “We need to talk, Min.”

“About what?” he sighed, handing Jooheon his coffee filled mug, leaning back against the kitchen worktop. “Your sex induced love confession? Listen, it happens to the best of us, it’s no biggie. I understand; heat of the moment and all.”

“That wasn’t what it was,” Jooheon stated, somewhat offended that other still persisted that he was clueless about his own feelings. “I meant what I said."

It quietened down between them, the only audible noise being their lips slurping tiny quantities of liquid from Minhyuk’s ridiculously flamboyant mugs. His gut churned as he waited for some sort of response; usually, he’d have curbed the nerves by calling someone — Changkyun, probably — and rambling incoherent nonsense down the line until he felt better, but he didn’t think that was the most appropriate course of action when you were mid-way through attempting to confess to someone.

“Jooheon…” he exhaled, already sounding exasperated. “Why do you think you’re in love with me all of a sudden?”

Minhyuk remained silent for a moment, lower-lip tucked between his teeth. His irises were sparkling and there was obviously something about what Jooheon’s said or done that upset him, but he couldn’t pinpoint what.

“You barely know me, Jooheon.”

His mouth fell open at the ice in his words, the sentence piercing through him harder than any knife ever could; if it had inflicted a physical wound, Jooheon was sure it would’ve been fatal.

It was bullshit to say they didn’t know each other. He might not know what Minhyuk’s favourite animal is or where he went to school, but he knew enough. He knew that he was affectionate and craved physical contact. He knew that was full to the brim with love that he had nowhere to put. He knew that he adored children and animals alike. He knew that he was renowned for being a ‘slut’. He also knew that that label didn’t phase him in the slightest. He knew about how his family practically abandoned him and how he’d  been in a toxic relationship, despite not knowing all the details of said relationship. He knew that he got enjoyment out of teasing him, both in and out of bed. He could list all the things he’d learnt about him, but most of all he knew how he felt about him and he knew that he wanted to learn more, that he’d never tire of uncovering his hidden secrets.

“Why are you saying that?” he asked, visibly upset and irate; he was doing his best to hold it together, he didn’t want pity, he just wanted him to listen. “You’re going to stand there and act like we’re, I don’t know, fucking  _soulmates_  one minute, and strangers the next? That’s  _bullshit_.”

“That’s what we _are_ , Jooheon,” Minhyuk stated simply, but his pitch wavered. “There’s nothing more to it.”

“Strangers don’t do  _this_ ,” Jooheon impeded; he could feel a tear born from frustration roll down his cheek, but he didn’t have time to care about it. “They don’t share stories about their lives with one another, or kiss each-other, or text and call one another in the middle of the night. Strangers don’t clamber into each others bed and fuck until the crack of dawn.”

“ _This_  wasn’t supposed to happen,” Minhyuk whispered, his voice small and insecure.”It was a mistake.”

“ _I’m_  a  _mistake_?” Jooheon repeated incredulously, brows raised and mouth still agape. “That’s what I am to you?” Minhyuk avoided meeting his eyes, focused on the liquid in his cup like it contained the most riveting story in the universe. “I’m not _‘someone that you want to know everything about’_ , or _‘someone that’s worth worrying about’?_ I’m not even _‘the fantasy of your wet dreams’?_ I’m just—“ he gulped, not bothering to suppress the tears that spilled over any longer. “Just a ‘ _mistake_ ’. That’s fine too, I guess. At least I know where I stand.”

“ _Jooheon_ , I—“

“You’ve said what you needed to, right?” Jooheon interjected, cutting him off before he’d got the chance to begin. “I’ll go, leave you to live your life and whatnot. Nobody wants a stranger loitering in their own home after all,” Jooheon remarked, the sarcasm dripping like venom. “What was the point in all of this, Minhyuk? Was there something that you gained by making me…  _God_ , I don’t  _know_ , feel like I meant  _something_  to you? I’m not even saying you made me feel like you were in love, but I at least thought you considered me as more than a stranger… a  _mistake_.”

“You don’t  _understand_ , Jooheon!” Minhyuk closed his eyes, his hands were trembling as he placed his cup on the worktop beside him.

"Don’t try and backtrack,” Jooheon scoffed. “You made it clear enough, I get it. I’m not one of the kids you deal with in preschool, I can comprehend what you’re insinuating when you speak,” Jooheon clenched his jaw at Minhyuk’s lack of response, vexation eating at his insides. “It’s fine, I get that I hurt you and that I'm not in your notebook of trustworthy people because of that anymore but—“

“I’m in  _love_  with you,” Minhyuk exploded, the wet trail down his cheek matching his own now. “I’ve been in love with you from the fucking get go!”

It was like time had fallen into stagnation, like the time had been frozen and nothing in the universe was moving aside from Jooheon's pulse and Minhyuk's words that danced around the air between them, slamming into Jooheon repeatedly like a boulder deconstructing an old, worn down building. They were studying one another through the silence, both of them blinking back tears, anxious and unsure.

Jooheon had to fight back the urge to vomit, swallowing so hard that he was sure it had inflicted physical trauma upon his oesophagus.

“You—“ Jooheon’s chest convulsed, mind in complete disarray. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” Minhyuk choked out, readying to leave the room, just not quick enough as Jooheon caught his wrist faster than he ran when he saw a ghost on TV. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, it’s just… I’m just— you’re  _in love_ … with  _me?_ ” Jooheon ingeminated, his voice barely existent.

Minhyuk sighed, rubbing his hand over his face as he tried to gather his thoughts despite still trembling like a leaf.

“ _I—_  fuck,” he shook his head, starting over. “I said I wouldn’t fall in love with you, I  _repeated_  it to myself like a mantra after seeing you for the first time in person. I promised that, although you were exactly my type, I  _wouldn’t_ ,” Minhyuk met Jooheon’s gaze with his own tear filled orbs, exhaling a heavy breath before continuing. “You didn’t make it an easy promise for me to keep. I think you’re the first person that’s listened to me —  _actually_ listened — in years and you’re so gentle; even when I told you what I’m like, how I sleep around and source my comfort from that, you didn’t judge me even for a second. You treated me as more than a sexual object and made me genuinely believe that you cared.”

“That’s because I  _do_ ,” Jooheon insisted. “Didn’t I make that blatant enough?”

“I was devastated when you left, Jooheon. I didn’t know what I’d done wrong; I still don’t know and…” Minhyuk sighed. “I’m not blaming you. I knew it was for the best in the long run because you deserve more than this, more than me. I don’t want to be the person that taints you because oh my god, your soul is so fucking beautiful and I can’t tarnish that. That’s what I told myself, and then I came to the conclusion that nothing more than that first night would happen anyway because I was fucking your brother, the same brother that adores you as much as you do him and—“

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was terrified when I realised what I felt for you,” Jooheon quickly interrupted, needing to get that across. “I didn’t want to ruin things between us because I cared about you as a person, not just as a love interest.”

“ _What—_ “ Minhyuk trailed off, obviously taken aback by the fact and then he shook the shock away, continuing with his original line of thought. “I called it off with Hyunwoo. I didn’t explain why, but I wasn’t getting any enjoyment from it anymore. I wasn’t getting much enjoyment from sleeping with anyone after I slept with you and it kind-of made me realise what love felt like and that what I had with my ex before wasn’t even close to love. Definitely not. Now I know what love actually feels like.”

“ _I_ — I don’t know what to say,” Jooheon said, dumbfounded and at a complete loss for words at the new revelation. “I wish you’d have told me back then. It would’ve sa—“

“I didn’t, though,” Minhyuk cut him off. “I didn’t tell you, I can’t do anything right and I’m a fucking mess and I _shouldn’t_ have fallen for you at  _all_  and you  _definitely_  shouldn’t have fallen for me and now—“

“I had the same thoughts,” Jooheon interrupted his frantic rambling, the hand that had been holding onto his wrist slipping down and interlacing their fingers together. “But in the wise words of Chae Hyungwon, love isn’t something we choose. The only thing you can choose is what we do with those feelings. I thought burying mine was the best option because… _look at you_ , you’re miles out of my league, but I needed to let you know. I felt awful about running from you that day, I didn’t want that to be the final memory you had of me.”

Minhyuk didn't respond, his teeth pressing so hard on his lip Jooheon is sure it’ll burst if he doesn’t stop soon.

“Talk to me, Min,” Jooheon commanded.

His request was ignored, so he squeezed the hand he was holding, silently urging the older to look at him and he finally did. He shot him a glare, but he didn’t protest nor look away. There was no anger left in his eyes, just exhaustion and bemusement.

“It doesn’t have to be like this,” Jooheon whispered, his voice soft. “It’s scary for you, right? I can tell you’re terrified, that you think this will end up a disaster and that you’re undeserving of love. I know that you think you’ll pollute me and that you’re scared of commitment. I know a lot more about you than you like to think I do and—“

Minhyuk broke him off prematurely with a quivering breath. “You’re right. I  _am_  terrified because I don’t _let_ people in, Jooheon. I went through… a lot. I like who I am now, I don’t  _want_  to be fixed, the only thing I’d change about myself is the ability to trust and you’re standing there like that and it  _makes_  me want to open up to you despite the fact you've broken my trust once already.  _Obviously_  I’m fucking scared.

“I don’t  _want_  to change things about you. I like you just as you are — I don’t care how many people you’ve slept with or what your past looks like,” Jooheon explained, pushing their foreheads together. “You don’t need to force yourself with me. I don’t expect you to trust me right away — I don’t even care if you don’t feel ready to commit right away. Isn’t the most important thing here that I love you and you love me?”

Minhyuk scoffed, cracking a smile. “You’re the cheesiest, I can’t even listen to your rambling anymore,” Minhyuk sealed Jooheon’s lips with a kiss, signalling him to be quiet and as Jooheon does, he fell pliant just like that. “You were so assertive a minute ago,  _now_  look at you.”

“Shut up,” Jooheon pouted, a dimple forming on his tear-stained cheek as he let out an awkward chuckle.

“Cutie,” Minhyuk smiled again, wrapping his arms around Jooheon’s waist. He held him like that for a few minutes, Jooheon’s head naturally resting on his shoulder until Minhyuk spoke again. “I’ll try.”

“Hm?” Jooheon mumbled lifting his head, confused.

“I want to try for you,” he repeated, more clearly this time. He still sounded unsure of himself, like he was asking himself for more than he could give, but he made sure his statement didn’t waver. “I want to try to trust you fully and commit to you but I might mess up and break your heart. I’ll do my best to make sure that doesn’t happen, but I can’t promise.”

“Okay,” Jooheon beamed at him, the remaining tears that hand been lingering on his lash-line slipping free, but this time he was sure it wasn’t from any negative emotions. That in itself was progress. “That works for me.”

“Yeah?” Minhyuk smiled back at him.

Jooheon nodded. Minhyuk leaned forward again, their lips colliding as he kissed Jooheon soft and slow. It felt like he would melt from it, everything around them went so slowly that it felt like they could be submerged in each other forever and nothing outside of this moment would even so much as move, the hand on the clock would be stilled for as long as they were wrapped within one another. Minhyuk’s scent filled Jooheon’s nose and it was the epitome of comfort; he’d kissed multiple people, Hell, he’d even kissed Minhyuk multiple times but he’d never known anything to feel quite as right as this.

“Jooheon?” Minhyuk said, rubbing his thumbs over the chubby cheeks he adored so much as Jooheon watched him expectantly, waiting for him to continue. “I never got the chance to say it properly,” the model whispered, placing a kiss against his forehead. “I love you too.”

—

Trust isn’t something that can be generated in a day; it takes patience, understanding, compassion and dedication, especially with someone as who was as skilled in wearing a mask to conceal emotional vulnerability as Minhyuk was, but it, at least, hadn’t taken long for them to trust one another when they said ‘ _I love you,_ ” because it was cripplingly evident by their actions.

He loved him. They loved each other. Hell, Jooheon would do anything for him; he would give Minhyuk more than his love, if he could. If it was something he could obtain then he’d have gifted Minhyuk the entire universe already, from the moon and the twinkling stars to the luxurious architecture that adorned the most beautiful cities in the world.

However, even loving someone to that degree won’t make something complicated transform into something easy, and it’d be a lie to say everything went plain sailing all of the time because that wasn’t the case; there were days when they’d bicker for hours, unable to agree on a single thing. There were even times when Minhyuk had left the apartment, leaving Jooheon sitting there all alone in a bubble of confusion and emotional turmoil.

But more often than not, it was imperfectly perfect as they sat together playing video games in Minhyuk’s run down apartment that now didn’t feel quite as eerie as it once had, or they’d spend all night cuddled under Jooheon’s covers trying to unveil the secrets of the universe together, wondering what would become of them later in life and what their purpose for being put on this planet was. It was a thought that had once scared Jooheon — not knowing his reason for being on this planet, but with Minhyuk’s hand enveloping his, he figured it didn’t much matter in the end.

He had Minhyuk and Minhyuk had him and that was all he really needed — arguments, issues and all. Plus, even the arguments weren’t all bad; they could’ve been Kihyun and Changkyun after all, but that is a story for a different day.

**Author's Note:**

> i like hearing people’s thoughts so if you... maybe wanna do that... then that'd be greatly appreciated (but still, be gentle i’m a whole entire pisces i get emotional easily) you can also find me on my social media accounts (and hmu with prompts if u wanna)
> 
>  
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/wonhyuuk)  
> [tumblr](https://wonhos.tumblr.com/)  
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/wonhyuuk)


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